nowadays, there are still a lot of people who are suffering from starvation. what do you think could have caused this scenario? what steps can we take to solve this issue.

Question

these days, besides the development of economy, there are still a lot of people in the world who have to live within starvation. Several factors may have caused this problem but there are solutions for this scenario.

this problem is caused by unemployment.There  are many people who do not get a job. Therefore, they can not support their life and then thay fell to starvation status. this situation can be successfully prevented if people found a job and the factories or companies should give them a chance to apply for a job.

this situation can be also attributed to the impacts of the weather. a storm can bring out everything of human such as houses, crops or any valuable items. After that, they had to start with nothing in hand and then thay must face with starvation. in this scenario, government should help them to solve with this problem. people who are suffering starvation need  support from governmetn like give them a number of foods or amount of money to start their business plans.                                                                                                                                                                                       In conlusion, people and

government need to be aware of the roots this problem in order to take the necessary steps to combat it. because the development ofpeople will contribute to the development of their country.

Answer 1

Hi đây là góp ý của mình

these days,despite the development of economy, there are still many (lot informal) people around the world who have to live in starvation. Several factors may have caused this problem but there are some solutions for this scenario, which will be examined below.

Firstly, this problem is caused by unemployment.There  are many people who do not get a job. Therefore, they can not maintain their life and then thay fell to starvation status. this situation can be successfully prevented if people find  jobs which are given by the factories or companies.

Secondly, this situation can be also attributed to the impacts of the weather. a storm can take everything of human such as houses, crops or other valuable items. As a result, they have to start with nothing in hand and then thay must face ( bỏ with face st)  starvation. in this scenario, government should help them to solve with this problem. people who are suffering starvation need  support from governmetn. For example, authorities can help by providing foods or supporting money for these people to overcome the situations.                                                                                                                                                                                       In conlusion, people and

government need to be aware the roots of this problem in order to take the necessary steps to combat it. because the development ofpeople will contribute to the development of their country

Các ideas trong bài cần được rõ ràng vì vậy bạn phải dùng các từ hoặc phrase giúp đánh thứ tự trước mỗi main idea của mình. Nhìn chung bài của bạn khá rõ ràng dễ hiểu, đủ 3 phần theo cấu trúc 1 bài essay. Tuy nhiên bạn nên tìm thêm những từ vựng, từ đồng nghĩa và chú ý dùng từ hợp lí để được band cao. 

Way to go, cheers!

Comments

good job !
However, i think that it's better when we use "and" instead of "but" in this sentence : "Several factors may have caused this problem but there are some solutions for this scenario, which will be examined below".
Because the meaning of two clauses is not completely opposite.

Answer 2

 

Comments

Despite không đi với of nha bạn :D

---

Many thanks, bạn :d