Fixed punishment?

Question

Some people believe there should be a fixed for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

  There are two different opinions about if punishments for criminals should be standardized the same or should be given depending on factors such as motive for crime, first-time offenders, and juvenile delinquency.

   Many people argue that every type of criminal behavior should be given the same punishment. In the first place, it helps make the law simpler. Thus, the process of judging one’s crime would be much less complicated. Consequently, due to this simplification, the government can save a large amount of time and money. Another major aspect is that when all law-breakers are castigated strictly, more people would abide by the law because it warns them about the severe consequence that offenders have to receive.

  However, not every person agrees with this view. Others believe that the circumstances of each individual crime should be taken into consideration. To begin with, this gives those who commit less serious crimes a chance to return to society. Humanity is appreciated at any time. In the second place, this leads to less severe crime. For example, if a person who steals a small amount of money were sentenced in the same way as the one who steals a million of dollars, criminals would be encouraged to steal a larger amount.

 

  Taking everything into account, both views have its reasons. Nevertheless, I am inclined to think that the punishment should fit the crime and each case of committing it should be fairly judged.

Answer 1

Hello Trangpham,

Your essay is great for me! It hard to find out any error. So I will score this essay 8 depending on my knowledge.

I am so curious whether you are teacher ^^.

Comments

Thanks for your comment. Actually i'm a high school student lol. Usually, I mainly focus on the clarity and coherence when i write. I don't know many vocab so i try to learn using words appropriately. I can't write long so i try to make my ideas clear :D

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high school student and you're this good :I ???
Damn ...

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Không được dùng bad words với trẻ con nha Jack

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my bad, madam :3

Answer 2

Tổ chức ý của bạn khá tốt, dùng được nhiều từ khá hay.
Tuy nhiên, m xin góp ý 1 số chỗ nho nhỏ sau để bạn có thể reach high score ;)

- Ở đoạn 1 bạn có dùng: In the first place rồi, thì trong đoạn 2 bạn có thể thay: in the second place thành Furthermore, để tránh nhàm chán. 

- Due to thường dùng cho các trường hợp negative, ở đoạn 1, ý của bạn đang là positive nên mình nghĩ ko nên dùng due to cho trường hợp này. Bạn có thể thay cả câu: Consequently, due to this simplification, the government can save a large amount of time and money thành: This helps the government save a considerable amount of time and money.

Theo kinh nghiệm của m, This là một cách dùng khá hay, được recommend bởi các examiners (Eg: Simon), considerable nghe cũng hay hơn a large amount ;)

- However = Nevertheless.

- For example = For instance.

- Ở phần conclusion, think = believe

1 vài chỗ thay đổi nho nhỏ này, có thể cải thiện band score của bạn khá nhiều. Mình cũng đang ôn thi nên hy vọng cta có thể chia sẻ kinh nghiệm ;)

I hope this helps ;)

Comments

Cám ơn bạn :) đúng là considerable nghe hay hơn thật