task 2. m.n giúp với- nội dung về mua sắm ạ

Question

An increasing number of larger shopping areas, mall and department stores are leading to the decline of smaller corner shops. What are the advantages and disadvantages of shopping in larger shopping center rather than smaller, more traditional shops?

Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledges and experience

 

Ø Outlining:

Body paragraph 1: shopping in a super mall will provide us a variety of goods and products

·      Find the things we need

·      Give us better services (such as: free delivery, free customer care)

·      More fun

Body paragraph 2: shopping in a larger area may be confusing and time-consuming

·      Distrusting from what we really want

·      It’s difficult to find what we really need

·      Cost a lot of time

 

Ø WRITING

People have different views about where to shop. Some people prefer buying things in super malls to purchasing in corner shops. This leading to the decrease in the number of small shopping areas. In my opinion, deciding where to buy still is something controversial and it’s base a lot on their personal hobby.

There is something to said for buying things in lager shopping areas especially super malls. It provides us a variety of goods and products so that we may easily find what we need and we can buy a lot of things at the same time. Futhermore, super malls provide us many customer care services such as: free delivery, free warranty, membership discount… this will cost less money than buying every single product in smaller shopping areas. Needless to say, super malls are considered as attractions in the city so that going to the super malls with friends is more fun and relaxing than buying things in smaller corner shops.

On the other hand, shopping from big and crowned super malls have several disadvantages. They provide us a wild range of goods and products so this costs a lot of time to find what we wanted to buy before. Moreover, super malls encourages us to buy more by advertising and presenting many stuffs and exaggerate the use of them.

In conclusion, larger shopping areas have their advantages and disadvantages. They only appropriate for you when buying a lot products or rare things. Otherwise, small corner shops still are the good choose. 

Answer 1

- Trước hết bài viết của bạn mắc một số lỗi sau: supermall, furthermore, s3p1 (hobbies), larger, s1p3 (crowded)

-Sai ngữ pháp: s2p1 (has led), s3p1 (is still, based on), s1p2 (to say), s2p4 (is appropriate, a lot of), s3p4 (are still)

-Sai từ vựng: relaxed (relaxing), wide (wild), exaggerating ,choices (choose)

-Lỗi viết tắt: s3p1 (It's)

-Nên loại bỏ: you, we, every, needless to say (idiom)

-Bài viết chưa so sánh được giữa smaller, traditional shop vs larger shop, topic sentence đầu tiên controlling idea quá chung chung, sử dụng từ vựng khá đơn giản (big,..), lặp từ vựng nhiều, chư đưa ra ví dụ thuyết phục.

Answer 2

Hi bạn,

Bí quyết của viết IELTS được điểm tốt là KHÔNG BAO GIỜ viết những câu mà người ta chả tìm ra lý do gì để cộng điểm cho bạn.

Những câu như "People have different views about where to shop" là điển hình cho việc viết không thể được cộng điểm.

 

Bạn hãy tìm cách để nâng điểm mình lên nhé ;)

 

Chúc bạn thành công.

Tu Pham IPP.