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Over the last decades, it is obvious that noise pollution has moved (1) to the international agendas, provoking public concern over this new issue. Whilst some perceive noise generation as individual freedom, others advocate a strict restraint on such annoyance. I totally (2) concur with the latter viewpoint, with justifications mentioned below.
To commence with, it stands to reason that in view of influence on the surrounding, noise should be restricted. More precisely (3), it stimulates (4) a distracting environment in which people can hardly concentrate on their work. In other words, the pervasiveness of noise occurs to the detriment of human productivity. That a noisy working environment acts as a deterrent to workers' complete engagement in their task fulfillment (7a) offers a typical example.
Furthermore, noise pollution has been recently noted as a contributor to one's mental collapse. In truth, a continually noisy place normally brings about such diseases (5) as headache in inhabitants there. In the long run, even more malign impact will appear, for instance, pressure-stricken (6) mind, leading to a deterioration in life quality.
Yet, some grant consent to clamour (7b), under the impression that it meets with human freedom (8). This concept, however, merely holds true on the surface. Indeed, noise creation emerges as personal right when it is in moderation, which means harmless to others. Notwithstanding (9), when it becomes intolerable, there exists a need for a strict ban.
In conclusion, the aforementioned arguments offer insights into vindications (10) for prohibition of noise. Despite the common belief that this (11) falls into individual right, a ban on such irritation is, (12) in the interest of the society.
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Các cách dùng từ vựng, ngữ pháp hay
Các lỗi word choice, collocation
Các lỗi chi tiết cụ thể các bạn có thể xem dưới đây:
Proofreading notes:
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Collocation mistake: ‘move’ – ‘agenda’
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‘totally’ is too strong and is not often used in formal writing
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Inappropriate cohesive device
(lỗi này tương đối khó, thầy Tu Pham IPP sẽ diễn giải nếu các bạn yêu cầu)
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Collocation mistake: ‘stimulate’ – ‘environment’
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Logic/word choice: headache is not a disease
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Word choice: this does not make sense
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a: American English
b: British English
You should choose only one of these two styles.
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Word choice: ‘to meet with’ means ‘to have a meeting with’, not what you are referring to.
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Wrong usage of this word
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Grammatically correct, but this usage is unnecessarily complicated. One word, ‘insights’ or ‘vindications’, is enough in this context.
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Grammar: no reference to what “this” refer to?
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Grammar: Inappropriate place to place a comma.
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