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It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environment, such as South pole.
Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
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Bài chữa được thực hiện bởi Trang Truong IPP IELTS
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BAND 6.5 – 294 words
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With the advances in modern technology, scientists and tourists are now able to reach distant destinations, the South Pole, for example. In my opinion, I believe (1) that this development (2) has more disadvantages than advantages.
Some environmentalists are horrified at the idea of tourist invasion in such pristine places because people's ignorance can cause serious harm to the endemic animals there. With tourists normally comes vandalism (3); tourists may throw rubbish irresponsibly, causing the animals considerable harm (4). For example, a polar bear in North Pole recently met its death due to its swallowing a plastic bottle, presumably left behind by a tourist (5).
Secondly, scientist expeditions may be in fact just a cover for the nations’ true scheme - a race to claim natural resources. For example, in 2013, Russia sent a number of icebreakers on the expedition to North Pole (6), in the name of scientific research. Their true ambition, however, was to claim a large swath of the Arctic, which is believed to contain vast reserves of untapped oil and gas (6). The extent of damage caused by human extraction activities is unimaginable. All the drilling will melt the ice at even a faster rate than that caused by global warming (7).
Admittedly, the development (8) has some advantages as well. One of which is the important scientific discovery made on expeditions. Due to its subzero conditions, the activities of bacteria and microorganism are almost non-existent, creating an ideal medium for preservation (9). A remarkably intact frozen baby mammoth carcass from 39000 years ago was excavated from Siberia in 2013 (10), providing an unprecedented chance to study this extinct species.
In conclusion, though there is the advantage of science discoveries made in the new development (11), the disadvantages caused by tourist ignorance and the race for untapped resources far eclipse the benefits.
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You need only one these two phrases ‘in my opinion’ and ‘I believe’
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Unclear referral to this development. Does it refer to the advance in modern technology or the fact that scientists and tourists are now capable of reaching distant destinations?
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Not a logical example. In the topic sentence you mentioned about people’s ignorance which can cause harm to the animals, but then you pointed out about ‘vandalism’, which does not help explain about ‘ignorance’.
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Not a good paraphrase because of repetition.
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In this sentence, even if you really know about this fact, you simply cannot prove it in an IELTS test. So it’s better not to use a real-life example. You may use generalisation to better it.
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Similar to (5)
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How do you know it?
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Similar to (2)
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Again, how do you know it for sure?
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Similar to (5)
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Similar to (2)
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