ielts task 2 - People naturally resist making changes in their lives,What kind of problem can this cause? What solutions can you suggest?

Question

All patterns in life are always changing in every second passing by. Maybe, human beings are  sometimes not able to recognize or feel that change. However, when we look back, we see that we seem to have made a huge change in our life.So changing is anescapable fact of life. Whether those changes are good or bad, it still means that we are keep moving on in our life. For some people , when they look back and recognize that there are no changes in their life. It means that they are leading a boring life because there are many problems existing in their lives.

The first reason is that when people resist making change, they are refusing to take new opportunities to learn new things,  to get new experiences and grow as a person.They are being lagged behind compared with other people.

Being unchanged make people look like a machine, a robot that keep doing the same thing repeatedly. This will cause monotory of the work they are doing. Eventually they lose interest on the task they are performing which may leads to faults.One more reason is that maintain the work in the same environment , which is not interesting and harmful, for a long time can cause some serious deseases for both mental and physical health.

Therefore, to lead a life of quality, people should make the proper decisions to change our lives in the best way. By doing this, people will find more values in livings and keep moving ahead.

Answer 1

In my apinion, in terms of grammar, your essay has some small mistake including using suitable verbs. To be more specific, the verb maybe is not an academic verb, you can use probably instead of this. Frequently, you use the word " life, and lives". 

The second problem is the structure of your essay is not coherent. Your introduction is so long, comparing to others parts consist of the reasons, and the solution recommended. 

You still have to be careful when putting commas or dots, and your realative clause. This sentence is a pure example of you relative clause mistake "One more reason is that maintain the work in the same environment , which is not interesting and harmful, for a long time can cause some serious deseases for both mental and physical health."

I made sence what you wrote but the examiner will be more strict. 

Nevertheless, this is my opinion. =))