[pros & sol] People are naturally resist making changes in their lives. What kind of problems can this cause? What solutions can you suggest?

Question

Our life has changed so much for many years. But there remains an undeniable fact that these changes could bring either positive or negative effects. It is natural for human beings to resist making switches in our daily life. In this essay, I should tend to shed light on some underlying reasons behind dilemma and put forward some proper solution to be overcome.

Firstly, one of the main causes here is that people, who often get familiar with the set schedules, is lazy to change. By this, I mean if you accept changes, you are willing to welcome challenges. Take university student’s life as an example. Most students studying in Hanoi come from another provinces, this will lead to a stress period in terms of living away from their family, lack of emotion and culture shock. The more you get through this trouble, the more mature you are. In contrast, may be you suffer from depression which is one of diseases belonging to mental disorders.

Another interesting point can contribute to this situation is long-term out-of-dated customs as well as misconceptions. Hence, people often follow strictly and cannot use creativities. If no one is willing to change what they are working on, this will lead to a developmental delay. After the 1986s, In Vietnam for instance, thanks to positive policies of Vietnamese Government such as opening international market and call for foreign investment, my country went out of low-income nation and the quality of life ameliorated substantially.

A solution is for people all over the world to need time to adjust and adapt. To put it simply, when new situations come, there remains troubles, keep in mind that we can change gradually and not overnight. This problem could be addressed by making a specific and detailed plan before action.

Answer 1

These are my recommends:

The introduction is too long. It should be 2 sentences including the general statement and your opinion. Also, I don't know what you mean "to shed light".

In the first body paragraph, you just gave one cause and supported it in three sentences. If you want to add more reasons, you should use other words like "in addition"...instead of using "in constrast" which means something different. At that time, that sentence need to have one more supporting sentence.  "Most students studying in Hanoi come from another other provinces, this will lead to a stress period...". Besides, it should avoid using "you" in the whole essay as you want to write a formal one.

Paragraph 3: After the 1986s, In Vietnam for instance, thanks to positive policies of the government such as opening international markets and call for foreign investments, my the country went out of (escape from) a low-income nation and the quality of life ameliorated substantially.

I may thought that you was run out of time, so the conclusion was not good enough. It is fragmented and make reader hard to follow. Your opinions also do not clear, so if you have time, you can fix it :). Overall, I see many formal words and phrases in your essay like "dilemma", "underlying", "ameliorate", or "in terms of", however, it seems to appear too much and feel like "bội thực" :))