Các bạn sửa dùm mình với, chấm cho mình được khoảng bao nhiêu luôn nhé :D Thank you!!Some people think if students are afraid of the teacher it is better. Others say that having a friendly relation is better. Which opinion do you agree with?

Question

Each of us always wants to do the thing we love. Because when we love it, we have the inspiration to keep doing it and make it better. And in educating people, teachers should be the inspiration for the students. Hence, I think that teachers should be friendly to their students, not detest or harsh with them.
Firstly, the huge advantage of being friendly to students is that students will not be afraid when communicate with teachers. For instance, they will confidently ask questions about the lesson, which makes them understand the lesson better. They will share with the teachers the problems they are having in the lesson so that the teachers can gradually teach them better.
Secondly, by being friendly, the students will actually learn for themselves, not because scare of the teacher. For example, many students these days just learn to past their exams. And after the examinations, they will forget all what they have learnt. However, if they have the inspiration from the teacher, like I said above, we can definitely believe that they will remember the lesson very well.
Nonetheless, it is said that being a harsh teacher will make the students quiet and focus on studying. It is somewhat true, however, students make noise in class because they do not find the lesson interesting. If they think learning is fun, inspirited, I can guarantee that the class will be absolutely quiet. Moreover, if a harsh teacher teaches students, students will be forced to do things they do not like, which makes them bored and tired.
In general, education plays a very important role in our life. Hence, the more students enjoy it, the more quality our life basis. The time people study under their school is one of the best memory that everyone wants to keep. Making studying friendly will leave the person great memory.

Answer 1

• In your essay, repetiton of same words should be reduced or replaced with other similar ones, especially in the main body. 
• In the opening, you should not use "Because" in the beginning of the sentence as it is not preferable in writing. In addition, the last sentence: "Hence, I think.....friendly..., not detest or hash with them.", friendly and harsh are adjectives while detest is verb, there should be the same flow of adjectives or of verbs. 
• you make same expressions over and over so it'd better find other ways to express or add more ideas. 
• ....past the exams... ---> pass the exams.
• The last sentence of the closing sounds odd to me. 

Comments

Thank you so much!! I am studying writing myself so rarely I get comments from other people. Yours is very practical and true :D . I hope that next time I would receive more comments from you :D Maybe sometimes I will also learn from your essays. Best wishes!

Answer 2

Each of us always wants to do the thing we love. Because when we love it, we have the inspiration to keep doing it and make it better. Văn viết  không dùng “and” ở đầu câu c nhé. And in educating people, teachers should be the inspiration for bỏ for đi (inspire sbd to sth) the students. Hence, I think that teachers should be friendly to their students, not detest or harsh with them. (theo t thì 2 câu đầu và 2 câu sau xem chừng chưa có logic cho lắm.
Firstly, the huge advantage of being friendly to students is that students will not be afraid when communicate with teachers. For instance, they will confidently ask questions about the lesson, which makes them understand the lesson better. They will share with the teachers the problems they are having have thôi, vì have ở đây ko dùng dạng tiếp diễn được in the lesson so that the teachers can gradually teach them better.
Secondly, by being friendly, the students will actually learn for themselves, not because scare of the teacher. For example, many students these days just learn to past pass chứ ko phải past nhé their exams. And after the examinations, they will forget all what they have learnt. However, if they have the inspiration from the teacher, like I said above, like I said above câu này chỉ dùng trong văn nói thôi we can definitely believe that they will remember the lesson very well.
Nonetheless, it is said that being a harsh teacher will make the students quiet and focus on studying. It is somewhat true, however, students make noise in class because they do not find the lesson interesting. If they think learning is fun, inspirited, I can guarantee that the class will be absolutely quiet. Moreover, if a harsh teacher teaches students, students will be forced to do things they do not like, which makes them bored and tired.
In general, education plays a very important role in our life. Hence, the more students enjoy it, the more quality our life basis. The time people study under their school is one of the best memory that everyone wants to keep. Making studying friendly will leave the person great memory.

Khi viết văn Anh, dù là đưa ra quan điểm của mình nhưng tránh dùng “I” c nhé. Thay vào đó c nên dùng people.

 

Đây là phần góp ý của mình, nếu có gì ko đúng thì cho cũng cho t biết để t sửa nhé :)

 

Comments

Cảm ơn bạn nhiều nhé :D Công nhận là mình viết vẫn còn lủng củng thiệt. Mong là mình sẽ nhận được nhiều góp ý của bạn trong các lần sau :) .