Please help me find mistakes, thanks a lots.. :)

Question

Teaching children and young people how to behave is the responsibility of parents, not schools or governments.

To what extent do you agree or disagree.

 

Educating children and young people has become a controversial issue in recent years. Some people said that this accountability is just belonged their parents. Despite parents’ responsibility may be essential, this education also need combines with duty of schools or governments.

With regarding to parents’ responsibility, this is clear to see that parents make a strong influence on their children’s behavior through their life. Firstly, when their offspring was child, they spent amount of time living with their mothers and fathers, and this period is easy to build their actions. For instance, children will imitate what they see, from that actions create habits, habits built characters, and characters continue to reflect on actions. As a result, it become a virtuous cycle, therefore parents might educate their offspring through their etiquette to make children have good manners. Secondly, there is no doubt that children and young people usually obey their family than the others, because of many reasons (maybe scary or deference). Hence, mothers or fathers could use lots of methods to teach young generations when they have bad manners in order to adjust immediately their behavior.

However parents may play a crucial roles in teaching their offspring how to behave, it cannot deny the contribution of schools or governments. First of all, schools’ environment impact to students’ manners by not only knowledge which is learnt on class, but also friends and teachers. By subjects that related morality on school, teachers can influence on students’ behaviors. Besides that, when contact with their peers, they can also copy actions of another; thus, if playing with cleverness, children might imitate these good manners. In addition, governments can teach young generations by laws. For example, when lawmakers set up some prohibition such as prohibiting cigarettes and wines with who under 16 years old, the rate of teenagers who using these toxic may decrease. Thus, governments make an enormous influence on young generation.

Overall, teaching children and young people is not easy, but this is not meaning incapability. To do in by efficient manners, it need combine between family and schools or governments.

Answer 1

This is what i think better for your essay:

Educating There is no doubt that children and young people's education has become a controversial issue in recent years. Some people said that this accountability is just belonged their parents. Despite It is clear that parents’ responsibility may be essential for caring and educating youth human beings. Nevertheless, the duty of school and goverment also is as important as family., this education also need combines with duty of schools or governments.

On the one hand,With regarding to parents’ responsibility, this it is clear to see that parents make create a strong influence on their children’s behavior through their life by everyday movement in a child's home. Firstly, when their offspring was child beginning with the childhood, babies usually they spents a lot of amount of time living with their mothers and fathers, and this period of time has a critical role to is easy to build their actions. For instance, children will imitate what they see, from that actions create habits that, habits built characters, and which characters continue to reflect on actions. As a result, it becomes a virtuous cycle, therefore parents might educate their offspring through their etiquette to make children have good better manners. Secondly, there is no doubt that children and young people usually obey their family than the others, because of many reasons (maybe such as scary or deference). Hence, mothers or fathers could use lots of methods to teach young generations when they have bad manners in order to adjust immediately their behavior.

However parents may play a crucial roles in teaching their offspring how to behave, it can not deny the contribution of schools or governments. First of all, schools’ environment impact to students’ manners by that are not only from knowledge which is learnt on class, but also from friends and teachers who students met everyday. By subjects that are related to morality on school, teachers can influence on students’ behaviors through these ones. Besides that, when students contact with their peers, they young people can also copy actions of another; thus, if children  are playing with cleverness person, children might imitate these good manners. In addition, governments can teach young generations by laws. For example, when lawmakers set up some prohibition such as prohibiting cigarettes and wines are banned to sell to children with who under 16 years old, the rate of teenagers who are using these toxic may have decrease in recent years. Thus, governments make an enormous influence on young generation.

Overall, teaching children and young people is not easy, but this is not meaning means of incapability. To do in by with actions in efficient manners, it needs combine co-operations between family and schools or governments.

Comments

so clear! Thanks so much :)

Answer 2

Educating children and young people has (have) become a controversial issue in recent years. Some people said that this accountability is just belonged their parents. Despite parents’ responsibility may be essential, this education also need (needs) combines with duty of schools or governments.

Firstly, when their offspring was were child, they spent an amount of time living with their mothers and fathers, and this period is easy to build their actions.

However, parents may play a crucial roles in teaching their offspring how to behave, it cannot deny the contribution of schools or governments.

FierFirst of all, Firstly,  schools’ environment impact to students’ manners by not only knowledge which is learnt on  in class, but also friends and teachers.

 

Comments

cảm ơn bạn :), nhưng cho mình hỏi xíu, sao chỗ has (have) đầu tiên, bạn lại sửa như vậy ak. Tại mình nghĩ chia động từ cho từ educating ak, nên chia số ít :)