in recent continued years,( mình chưa thấy cụm này bao giờ nên không biết đúng hông ^^)there are a lot of talent youngster obtain vital office in the government. While most people completely disagree this viewpoint,(phần paraphrase đề có vẻ chưa ổn, từ while đặt ở đây kì kì, mình đọc câu này và hiểu kiểu 1 mình bạn chống nói lại tất cả ý kiên vậy)I believe that it is better to youth people (1. the youth, 2.young people. 3 chỉ 1 or 2)take over these critical function .
there are a variety of reasons why they (mình nghĩ nên nêu rõ đối tượng ngay ở câu topic, nguyên đoạn toppic này toàn they hông hà, trí nhớ mình tồi lắm chẳng nhớ bạn nói chủ ngữ là ai hì hì)should not hold big services . One reason is that they may be insufficient real experience in order to address complex issues, which can bring about a negative effect for their country . For instance, vital(vital ỡ trên rồi giờ crucial nhé) issues concern the state sectors such as educational and economic sector. If they do not have deep and broad knowledge, they will not tackle problematic roots exactly . As a result, society and state become restrain and no development (lệch rồi, become+ verb and noun, will be restrained the development) In addition, because of generation gap , they will be not respected by elderly people, whom undergo in period of time tough and developing country. This lead to less sympathy and misunderstanding(less misunderstanding: ít hiểu lầm, nghĩa là hiểu nhau hơn rồi, hình như ý bạn không phải vậy)together. Gradually, the government and organization are divided by relationship conflict.
On the other hand, I believe that the option to good youngster lie in government is attractive for several reasons. First of all, they will enlarge their practical knowledge and obtain soft skills. To illustrate, they can manage conflict among individuals , this allow (allows)their organization to do work together efficiently . Moreover, they frequently afford to imagine new things and approaches (approach) in order to tackle hard issues , which old people do not think out. For example, Chau Ngo bao is Vietnamese , he has won the FED prize, which spend people under 40 age contribute to math. He suggest (suggests)reforming in Vietnam’s educational sector to catch up with progress of educational world
In conclusion , There are convincing argument for putting young people in essential function of the government is unsuitable because of many reasons(not need), but it seem (seems)to me that imagination and volunteering of them will help government and country develop in prospect.- cái kết luận nghe hơi ba phải O.O mình có thể nói kiểu khác là tui đồng ý nhưng mà thực tế là tuổi tác không quan trọng, sự đóng góp bla bla của họ còn quan trọng hơn nhiều.
overall, bài bạn khá tốt, ý hay, logic, từ nối tốt. Bạn nên thay đổi cách viết ở chổ xài "they quá nhiều" nên nhắc lại chủ ngữ ở những chỗ cần thiết. Good job!
p/s: thật ra mình ko ngu writting, có chỗ nào mình sữa sai thì bạn góp ý nhé <3