Đây là đề ngày 08/11 mọi người giúp mình bài viết này với nhé

Question

08/11/2014: Task 2

Some people believe that a crime is a result of social problems and poverty, others think that crime is a result of bad person's nature. Discuss and give your opinion.

It is true that crime is the most serious social issue nowadays. While it can be argued that it is a result of the nature of rotten people, I believe that the poverty and social problems are the most likely cause of crime.

There are several reasons why crime may proceed from the nature of offenders. At first, one of the human essences is cruelty which may be on excessive levels in certain individuals. These people have more tendency to perform brutal actions than others, resulting in that the likelihood to commit crimes for them is much higher. The testimony of serial killers that it is pleasant when they witness the death of their fellow-creature is a typical example. In addition, those who are mentally disturbed are likely to become the most dangerous offenders. Their motives of vicious actions is not quite definite. It could originate from disembodied voices, which prompting them to damage others, in their head.

Despite above argument, I believe that a crime might be caused by social problems and poverty. Firstly, poverty is the environment which compels disadvantaged people to perform evil actions. For example, once basic demand such as food or safe refuge cannot be fulfilled by reason of financial struggles, law will not have adequate power to hinder people from implementing illegal activities to sustain their life. Secondly, inequality, which is a noticeable social phenomenon, provokes resentment in those treated unfair; therefore, disruptive behavior or participating in rebels, which is responsible for adverse consequences to society, is regarded as a way to respond to unfairness they received and also an approach to relieve their resentment.

In conclusion, in some extreme circumstances, the nature of bad person causes crime may be accurate; but in most cases, social issues are more likely to be the causes.

Answer 1

Bài viết của bạn rất hay và dễ hiểu từng bố cục, mình cũng làm bố cục theo bài của bạn nhưng ý thì không có tốt như bạn :(

Comments

mình cảm ơn bạn nha,
nếu được mình rất muốn bạn chỉ giùm những từ dùng chưa đạt và những từ có thế thay thế hay hơn bởi vì mình biết là có những từ dùng ko hay lắm.
hoặc suggest cho mình một vài từ vựng cho chủ đề này, mình ko biết nhiều lắm
mình cũng muốn được nhận xét về ngữ pháp trong bài, liệu có đa dạng các loại câu không, thiếu loại câu nào và cách áp dụng ấy
cảm ơn bạn

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Hihi, thiệt tình là trình mình còn kém lắm nên hok biết chỗ sai của bạn là chỗ nào hoặc là từ nào tốt đâu :)
Mình đọc bài của bạn để học thêm từ đó!  :)

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cảm ơn bạn nha, bạn khen mình rất vui
nhưng mình biết trong bài có ý ko tới với ngữ pháp còn sai ấy mỗi tội ko đủ trình để sửa thôi

Answer 2

 "It could originate from disembodied voices,which prompting them to damage others,"

sao ở đây là could mà ko phải là "can" hả bạn ?    mình ngĩ là promp chứ ko phải prompting ?

Answer 3

Despite above argument, I believe that a crime might be caused by social problems and poverty. Firstly, poverty is the environment which compels disadvantaged people to perform evil actions. For example, once basic demand such as food or safe refuge cannot be fulfilled by reason of financial struggles, law will not have adequate power ( enough power ) to hinder people from implementing illegal activities to sustain their life. Secondly, inequality, which is a noticeable social phenomenon, provokes resentment in those treated unfair; therefore, disruptive behavior or participating in rebels, which is responsible for adverse consequences to society, is regarded as a way to respond to unfairness they received and also an approach to relieve their resentment.

Comments

thank bạn nhiều nha, chỗ prompting và could thành can mình nên sửa lại, còn adequate power cũng bằng với enough power, mình tra collocation google tra từ điển adequate cũng có nghĩa như enough

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bạn giải thích rõ hơn tại sao được ko,
ý câu của mình là pháp luật sẽ không có đủ sức mạnh để.......
mình muốn dùng adequate bởi vì bài viết formal hơn, hoặc mình cũng có thể dùng sufficient chứ mình ít dùng enough...
Thêm nữa, bạn có nhận xét gì về idea của mình không, có những idea mình cảm thấy không ổn nhưng ko biết tại sao
Ví như idea  In addition, those who are mentally disturbed are likely to become the most dangerous offenders
mình nghĩ là mentally disturbed thì ko liên quan lắm đến bản chất con người
bạn có nghĩ giống mình không

Answer 4

mình nhầm cái enough  :(

 At first, one of the human essences is cruelty ( cái ideal này ko đúng cho  lắm, vi khi sinh ra con người làm gì có bản chất tội ác, nhưng mình chưa ngĩ ra ideal thay thế ) which may be on excessive levels in certain individuals. These people have more tendency to perform brutal actions than others, resulting in that ( as a result.,) the likelihood to commit crimes for them is much higher.

Comments

thank bạn nhiều nha, mình cũng nghĩ vậy body 1 mình viết ko tốt

Answer 5

I think the minor amendments below sounds better.

It is true that crime is presently the largest serious issue in our society. While it can be argued that it is a result of the nature of rotten people, I believe that the social economical and demographical problems are likely to be the cause of crime.

There are several reasons why crimes may proceed from the nature of offenders. At first, one of the human essences is cruelty which may be on excessive levels in certain individuals. These people have higher tendency to perform brutal actions than others, resulting in that the likelihood to commit crimes for them is much higher. The testimony of serial killers that it is pleasant when they witness the death of their fellow-creature is a typical example. In addition, those who are mentally disturbed are likely to become the most dangerous offenders. Their motives of vicious actions are not quite definite. It could originate from disembodied voices in their head, which prompting them to damage others.

Despite above argument, I believe that a crime might be caused by social problems and social economic situation, hence poverty. Firstly, poverty is the environment which compels disadvantaged people to perform evil actions. For example, once basic demand such as food or safe refuge cannot be fulfilled by reason of financial struggles, law will not have adequate power to hinder people from implementing illegal activities to sustain their life. Secondly, inequality, which is an obvious social phenomenon, provokes resentment in those treated unfair; therefore, disruptive behavior or participating in rebels, which is responsible for adverse consequences to society, is regarded as a way to respond to injustice they received and also an approach to relieve their resentment.

In conclusion, in some extreme circumstances, the nature of bad person causes crime may be accurate; but in most cases, social issues are more likely to be the causes.

For further support, contact me on: [email protected]

Comments

cảm ơn bạn, mình thấy góp ý của bạn rất hay, làm rõ hơn bài của mình
bạn có thể chấm tiếp cho mình Task response, cohesion với coherence không, mình không hiểu lắm các tiêu chí ấy thanksss :)

Answer 6

bài viết có topic sentence rất rõ ràng

các details làm rõ được các topic sentences

tuy nhiên bài viết còn thiếu ví dụ để dẫn chứng

It is true that crime is (nen ghi la becomes de tranh lap lai tu is) the most serious social issue nowadays. While it can be argued (nen ghi la some argues) that it is a result of the nature of rotten people, I believe that the poverty and social problems are the most likely cause of crime.(trong giới thiệu bạn nhấn mạnh điều này, nhưng xuống phần thân lại đưa vấn đề thứ nhất để phân tích trước, tôi nghĩ bạn đã nghiêng về cái nào thì phải emphasic nó chứ)

There are several reasons why crime may proceed from the nature of offenders. At first, one of the human essences is cruelty which may be on excessive levels in certain individuals. These people have more tendency to perform brutal actions than others, resulting in that the likelihood to commit crimes for them is much higher. The testimony of serial killers that it is pleasant when they witness the death of their fellow-creature is a typical example. In addition, those who are mentally disturbed are likely to become the most dangerous offenders. Their motives of vicious actions is not quite definite. It could originate from disembodied voices, which prompting them to damage others, in their head.

Despite above argument, I believe that a crime might be caused by social problems and poverty. Firstly, poverty is the environment which compels disadvantaged people to perform evil actions. For example, once basic demand such as food or safe refuge cannot be fulfilled by reason of financial struggles, law will not have adequate power to hinder people from implementing illegal activities to sustain their life. Secondly, inequality, which is a noticeable social phenomenon, provokes resentment in those treated unfair; therefore, disruptive behavior or participating in rebels, which is responsible for adverse consequences to society, is regarded as a way to respond to unfairness they received and also an approach to relieve their resentment.( đoạn viết này nên đưa là đoạn đầu tiên để phân tích ý mở bài của bạn muốn nhấn mạnh về ocial problems and poverty)

In conclusion, in some extreme circumstances, the nature of bad person causes crime may be accurate; but in most cases, social issues are more likely to be the causes.

Answer 7

Bài viết của bạn rất hay và dễ hiểu