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Topic1 : Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sport facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Word count: 295

Advancing public health for country development is a primary concern of government agencies. Some suggest that boosting the growth of sport services plays a pivotal role in improving citizen’s health. However, opponents state that this solution is not effective enough, so a requirement for more effective solutions should be raised on discussion.

There is no denying the fact that an individual’s health can be improved regularly if this person goes to the gym daily to practice.  A sport center with its increased and upgraded modern equipment is considered as an ideal place for people from different age ranges to take physical exercises. Moreover, when you attend to play sports, you will be trained appropriately with helpful guidances from professional instructors of the center.  As a result, gyms or health clubs will be where many people come to improve their health.

However, others argue that the development of sport facilities only brings a small proportion of population benefits. Only rich citizens can afford money to join sport centers because paying fee for a health club’s membership is a burden on working people. In addition, the increasing number of sport facilities cannot help people healthy enough to be resistant to the outbreak of  epidemics such as SARS in Hong Kong or Ebola in South Africa.

In my view, free health care program for the public should be implemented immediately to advance public health. The duty of this program is to help each individual with health advisory, health problems and prevention of disease. More importantly, this program creates chances to take physical exercises for everyone now matter who they are.

Give this argument, it is reasonable to conclude that if the government combines both free health services and development of sport services, people’s health will be improved much better in the future.

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Theo mình bài viết của bạn rất tốt.

Mình góp ý là c nên thêm vào nhiều mẫu câu hơn như câu điều kiện, câu so sánh,...

Câu "As a result, gyms or health clubs will be where many people come to improve their health." sau "will be" ấy phải thêm một tân ngữ đúng không? có thể là "good places "

Mình là newbie và cũng mới tập tành học IELTS, nhờ c chữa giúp mình bài viết đầu tiên của mình nhé. Cảm ơn c trước.

http://scholarshipplanet.info/check/1371/children-learning-foreign-language-primary-secondary-advantage-outweigh-disadvantage 

 

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