Nhờ các bạn chấm điểm bài này giúp mình nhé!Crimes committed by young people are increasing in major cities throughout the world. Discuss the causes and how to solve this problem.

Question

Nowadays, it is true that there is an increase in the number of minors arrested for crimes in big cities in all over the world. There are a number of reasons behind this phenomenon and several solutions should be adopted to improve the situation.

There are two primary reasons why young people heavily invoiced in illegal activites. One reason is that they are lacked of education. For instance, if young people who do not have enough opportunities to go to school, they will not develop the ability to distinguish between right and wrong activities. Furthermore, leaving school early also makes teenager have to work early, which means they might be can not afford a high standard of living, especially in big cities. And the consequence for this is they can do illeagal work to earn money faster. The other reason is that minors can easily be affected by bad organizations because of the desire to make a lot money without working. When teenagers become preys for those companies, they do not know they are breaking the law.

Fortunately, several measures could be taken to prevent this tendency. The first solution would be the government invention in creating more conditions for poor children to go to school. When children are learning at school, government should integrate educating consequence of illegal activities. Last but not least, they should prevent the development of organizations operating illegally in order to decrease an affection to young people.

To sum up, it is clear that there are various reasons why young people are gradually caught breaking the law, and steps need to be taken to tackle this problem.

Answer 1

Cái này mình sửa theo ý của mình thôi nếu sai bạn thông cảm dùm 

Bài sửa :

Nowadays, it is true that there is an increase in the number of minors arrested juvenile delinquents for crimes in big cities in all over the world. There are a number of reasons behind this phenomenon and several solutions should be adopted to improve the situation.

There are two primary reasons why young people are heavily invoiced -> involved in illegal activities. One reason is that they are lacked of education. For instance, if young people who do not have enough opportunities to go to school, they will not develop the ability to distinguish between right and wrong activities. Furthermore, leaving -> dropped out of school early also makes teenager have to work early, which means they might be can not afford a high standard of living, especially in big cities. And the consequence for this is they can do illeagal -> illegal work to earn money faster. The other reason is that minors can easily be affected by bad organizations -> crowds because of the desire to make a lot money without working. When teenagers become preys for those companies, they do not know they are breaking the law When teenagers are being influenced by those people, they will do illegal activities with them.

Fortunately, several measures could be taken to prevent this tendency. The first solution would be that the government invention in create ing more conditions -> opportunities for poor children to go to school. When children are learning at school, the government should educate ing them about the consequences of illegal activities. Last but not least, they should prevent the development of organizations -> gangs operating illegally in order to decrease an affection to the influence they have on young people.

To sum up, it is clear that there are various reasons why young people are gradually caught breaking the law, and several steps need to be taken to tackle this problem.

 

 - Ý tưởng mình thấy có nhưng chưa đủ thuyết phục vì vài chỗ do chưa có ví dụ

 - Bạn ghi 2 lý do chính mà thân bài 1 bạn ra 3 lý do 

 - Thân bài 2 chưa đủ thuyết phục vì bạn chưa có ví dụ hoặc giải thích tại sao nên có hướng giải quyết như vậy

 - Có vài chỗ bạn xài từ vựng chưa đúng nên đôi khi gây khó hiểu vài chỗ

 - Ngữ pháp cũng vậy