các bạn ơi chữa giúp mình bài này với: Science could help people live up to 100 or even 200 years. Would that be a good or bad development? Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Question

It is irrefutable that one of the most groundbreaking innovation of science is improving life expectancy. This advancement, however, has brought not only benefits but also drawbacks.

      On the one hand, expanding longevity has numerous distinctive advantages and certainly, human life is happy increasingly by taking advantage of these positive influences . There is no doubt that elderly people would be more satisfied if they were able to witness their children growing up and maturing. Furthermore, living longer helps people have a golden opportunity to experience human’s intellect enhancement. Technology, for instance, has created a wide range of breakthrough products which enable to transform life quality. Thus, bettering living time is very beneficial for human.

      On the other hand, more elderly people is a key factor causing global issues. Take the human population, for example. It is obvious that overpopulation has led to many another severe problems currently, especially environmental degradation or the depletion of resources. In fact, most of the environmental damage being seen in the last fifty years is because of the growing number of people on the planet. Moreover, the world economy could be partly affected by longevity increase. Alarmingly, many poverty countries are dealing with financial issues such as investing for building nursing homes or social support centers which are integral part of the elderly life.  Therefore, there are more and more challenges in combating these urgent problems because unbalancing between birth rate and mortality.

     In conclusion, science advancement support longevity intensification and this rosy outlook of science has both negative effect and positive effect. In my opinion, I strongly believe that the advantages are far outweighed by the disadvantages.

Answer 1

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- Your written essay is rather good.

- In terms of coherence and cohesion, you do it well. 

- However, you made some mistakes: 

+ "intellect enhancement" ---> intellectual enhancement

+ "more elderly people" ---> rising life-expectancy

+ "most of the environmental damage being seen in the last fifty years is because of the growing number of people on the planet" ---> a fragment sentence

+ "poverty countries" ---> developing countries/nations

+ "because unbalancing between birth rate and mortality" ---> because of/ due to unbalance/disproportion between fertility rate and mortality rate.

+ "negative effect and positive effect" ---> negative and positive effects.

 

 

 

 

Comments

thank you! I will I will write more carefully