bài ielts writing cambridge 9 test 1 task 1

Question

 

IELTS WRITING CAMBRIDGE 9 TEST 1 TASK 1 

The two given maps tell us the information about several significant changes happening on the island, before and after the construction of some tourist facilities.

Overall, it can be clearly seen that this building process has completely created a new appearance for the island from an original wilderness to a modern resort area.

Previously, the island is only an empty land with nothing but coconut trees in the middle-east and middle-west and a beach on the western coast. the total length of the island is approximately 250 meters.

After the construction of some tourist facilities, it becomes fresher and more dynamical with 15 accommodations surround one restaurant and reception. 15 accommodations are divided into two parts with 6 ones in the west are more special than 9 ones in the east because having a footpath led to the beach and you can swim in here. In addition, a vehicle track from the restaurant to the reception is also created along with a pear to led to the sea where you take first steps onto the island after catching a sailboat come here.

 

Answer 1

Nhìn chung thì mình thấy bài viết của bạn khá tốt. Cách diễn đạt ý ổn

Có 1 số cấu trúc mà mình góp ý là:

- The two given maps tell us the information about several significant changes happening on the island, before and after the construction of some tourist facilities => The two given maps demonstrate the information ..... 

• Theo mình hiểu thì nên hạn chế sử dụng đại từ nhân xưng trong các bài viết ielts trừ khi dược đề bài có câu "Give your opinion"
• Ngoài ra, "demonstrate" là 1 cụm từ tốt hơn "tell us"

- 15 accommodations are divided into two parts with 6 ones in the west are more special than 9 ones in the east because having a footpath led to the beach and you can swim in here. => ...... with 6 ones in the west which are more special .... because it has/ because of having a footpad ..... and tourist can swim there.

Mình cũng đang luyện ielts thôi nên có gì sai sót mong mọi người góp ý ạ