Writing task -1, test 2, Cambridge: 6. Link đề bài: http://ieltswritingtask.blogspot.com/2011/02/cambridge-6-writing-task-1-test-2.html

Question

The table indicates the average distance travelled by a person in England with different transport modes in 1985 and 2000. As can be seen from the table, the amount of miles travelled in all types of transport increased gradually except for on foot, by bicycle and local bus.

Three modes of transport that less people used were walking (from 255 miles in 1985 to 237 miles in 2000 in average), bicycle and local bus (decrease by 10 miles and 155 miles, respectively). In contrast, there was a dramatic growth in the level of car used between the two years. In 1985, only 3,199 miles was travelled by car but this index went up to 4,806 miles 16 years later.  Other transport modes like long distance bus, train and taxi were used more and more, which was shown by the upward figures. The Amount of miles travelled by other methods also increased lightly, 450 miles in 1985 and 585 miles in 2000 averagely.

In general, the averge distance in miles traveled by a person indicated the drastic increase although some modes of transport were not used as much as before.

Answer 1

by 10 miles and 155 miles, respectively => no comma...

Bài của bạn (hình như) có mỗi một so sánh giữa bicyle,.. và car thì phải @@... Try to write more "comparing" sentences.

 

Ngoài ra, word choice của bạn chưa được various nhiều lắm. Giả sử thỉnh thoảng thay people = British chả hạn. Tuy ( hình như) không có lỗi về grammar nào nhưng cũng ko có sự đột phá...

Mình thấy có một cấu trúc rất phổ biến "It see/ experience...." "Something see/exprience..." "A increase was exprienced in..." 

Use more connectors..

 Above are some my comments. Vì mình cũng mới học nên nếu có lỗi gì mong bạn thông cảm..

U did a great job, anw. ^O^ Keep it moving... 

 

Answer 2

The table indicates the average distance travelled by a person in England (tham khảo câu mẫu của mình) with different various transport modes in between the years 1985 and 2000. Overall, As can be seen from the table, the amount of miles travelled in all types of transport increased gradually except for on foot, by bicycle and local bus.

The table given indicates how methods of transport in England varied between the years 1985 and 2000.

 

Quan trọng là mình paraphrase thông tin của đề bài, còn chi tiết cụ thể như trong dòng tiêu đề của bảng thì không nhất thiết phải lôi vào nếu không câu mở đầu sẽ rất dài dòng văn tự.

Về câu overall, chỉ cần nói there was an overall rise whilst car is the most favorite vehilces. 3 cái kia mình nhắc sau, nhắc ở đây thì tí nữa phải mất công tìm synonym.

Để tránh cái amount of miles thì dùng an overall rise, amount of travelling distance, overall increases in distance travelled,...

Comments

Mình tách bớt 1 thằng ra, local bus, có thể viết liền hoặc tách thành 1 đoạn. Theo mình nên tách ra làm đoạn mới.

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Likewise, there was a sharp growth in use of long-distance buses, whilst local buses decreased dramatically to 274 15 years later.

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hoặc in long distance bus using

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Thêm a significant boom, thay growth cho đỡ nhàm.

Answer 3

To begin with, three modes of transport that less people used that drew less attention of British travellers were walking (from 255 miles in 1985 to 237 miles in 2000 in average), bicycle and local bus (decreased by 10 miles and 155 miles, respectively) => Ý này là ý phụ nên để ở cái By contrast. Ngoài ra nên gom vào (1, 2 and 3 respectively) thì sẽ các con số này sẽ theo đúng thứ tự xuất hiện của 3 yếu tố.

In contrast, there was a dramatic growth in the level of car used car use between the two years during the stage, an addition of ... miles, an increase of 150%. In 1985, only 3,199 miles was travelled by car but this index went up to 4,806 miles 16 years later. => Cần balanced, mỗi ý 1 câu thôi. Đừng để 1 yếu tố 2 câu, cái kia 1 câu. Đặc biệt là ý mở đầu lại trống trơn.

To begin with, most of this rising trend could be accounted for  by a massive popularity gained in car use, approximately 4,800 miles in 2000, an increase of 150%.

By contrast, England saw a slight fall in cycling and walking distance, 10 and 18 miles respectively, after a 15-year period/ in 2000.

Comments

hix bạn mất bao lâu để master Task 1 ạ ToT ....................

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Đi học 1 khóa là lên ngay. Rồi tập trung tự luyện 1 khóa nữa thì tha hồ.