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Topic: Some people believe that sex education should be taught in primary school while others believe that it’s not advisable. Discuss both view and give your own opinions.

Many people think that elementary children should be taught about sex education in their school, while others disagree with this. This essay will discuss both the pros and cons and present my opinion.
There are reasons why people hold a belief that sex education is not suitable for primary children. Firstly, they only have an underdeveloped mental health and easily vulnerable to sex education. This means that they are too young to grasp all the knowledge correctly. Secondly, sex education at that stage is deemed of less importance. They would  prefer sciences, arts and other entertaining activites,... This can be explained by the fact that in most schools, when teachers set up a class to teach them about sex, students often don’t pay any attention to this lesson, even treat it as just another free period to have fun. Moreover, a large number of parents consider sex is something dirty and should never be talked about to their children.
However, the advantages of sex education can not be dennied. When going through puberty, students certainly have to overcome both mental and physical changes. They can not control their actions. Therefore, sex education is about developing their skills so that they can make informed choices about their behavior, and feel confident and competent about action. In addition, due to the large scale exposure of medial, children easily access to sexually explicit content, which lead to misunderstand so primary children should be taught at school. Only by this way can we gain a wide range of correct knowledge about their body function. It allow them to spot early signs of anyone trying to violate them. As a result, they can protect themselves from sexual abuse and unwanted pergancy
In conclusion, I'm in favour of the teaching about sex education in schools because sex is only natural stage like other facilities of human body. If students aware it accurately, they will become more responsible and better-informed citizens for a brighter future.
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Many people think that elementary children should be taught about sex education in their school, while others disagree with this. This essay will discuss both the pros and cons and present my opinion.
*Đề xuất: Having sex education popularly taught at primary institutions is believed to be the best teaching strategy. Meanwhile, some people argue that sex-relating issues are relatively unsuitable for young children. For me, it is clear that kids should be well-prepared about sexual knowledge from an early age as this education method would bring many advantages to them. (Trong dạng bài discuss both views bạn nên đưa luôn quan điểm cá nhân bạn lên phần mở bài, kết bài nhấn mạnh lại một lần nữa sẽ khiến bài viết chặt chẽ, tăng sức thuyết phục hơn).

There are reasons why people hold a belief that sex education is not suitable for primary children. Firstly, they -> young childre/kids only have an underdeveloped mental health and easily vulnerable to sex education. This , which means that they are too young to grasp sexual knowledge correctly. Secondly, sex education at that -> this stage is deemed of less importance. Children would prefer sciences, arts and other entertaining activites, This ->which can be explained by the fact that in most schools, when teachers set up a class to teach them about sex, students often don’t pay any attention to this lesson, even treat -> and they consider it as just another free period to have fun ->for recreational activities. Moreover, a large number of parents consider sex is something dirty ->unsuitable/ inappropriate and should never be talked about to their children.
 

However, the advantages of sex education can not be denied. When going through puberty, students -> children would certainly overcome both mental and physical changes. They cannot control their actions ->, which may incorrectly lead them to erroneous sexual behaviours. Therefore, sex education is about developing their skills ->By being cultivated skills and knowledge through sex education, primary students can make informed choices about their behaviors, and feel confident and competent about their actions. In addition, due to the large-scale exposure of medical, children would easily access to sexually explicit contents, which lead to ->would result in right awareness of sexual issues. misunderstand so primary children should be taught at school Only by this way can we gain a wide range of correct knowledge about their body function. In addition, It -> popular sexual knowledge allows them to spot early signs of anyone trying to violate them. As a result, they can protect themselves from sexual abusing and unwanted pergancy.

 

In conclusion, I'm in favour of the teaching about sex education -> general sex education at primary schools because sex is only -> obviously a natural stage -> an instinct like other facilities of human body. If students are aware of it accurately, they will become more responsible and better-informed citizens for a brighter future.

 

*Cấu trúc tham khảo để đoạn body trở nên mạch lạc hơn: Thesis sentence->Main Idea-> Supporting Idea-> Example-> Bonus Idea

*Học chắc ngữ pháp cơ bản, đồng thời luyện tập sử dụng thật tốt mệnh đề quan hệ giúp bạn paraphrase tốt hơn bạn nha.

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Emm cảm ơn thầy ạ. Bài viết này thì tầm band mấy ạ. Thưa thầy, thế là emm sai nhiều về grammar ạ?

Đa phần lỗi ngữ pháp trong bài của bạn chia làm 2 nhóm sau bạn nhé:

-Lỗi vặt: quên đuôi "s", động từ chưa khớp với chủ ngữ, sai từ loại... Những lỗi này bạn có thể khắc phục bằng cách đọc lại 1 lần sau khi viết xong, sau đó dùng website grammarly kiểm tra lại lần nữa để vừa đảm bảo tăng độ chính xác, vừa học được cách sửa lỗi sai của mình thông qua tính năng của web.

-Lỗi về cấu trúc câu: trong bài có một vài đoạn bạn viết cấu trúc câu ghép chưa được đúng lắm, đồng thời cách lựa chọn từ ngữ của bạn cũng chưa chính xác ở nhiều chỗ. Bạn có thể khắc phục lỗi này bằng cách viết thật nhiều và nhờ người có chuyên môn cao chữa cho bạn nhé.

Cuối cùng, về band điểm, mình không phải giáo viên/ giám khảo chính thống qua đào tạo nên khó có thể cho bạn con số chính xác được bạn nha.

Note: mình cũng là học sinh bình thường như bạn thôi, đừng kêu thầy mình ngại hehehe.

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