Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.

Question

Most of students nowadays face the dilemma of whether to find a stable job or get a higher education after school. But while getting a job straight has its benefits, the advantages are far outweighed by the difficulties.Therefore,in my opinion, it is more beneficial to go to university or collegeafter school for two main reasons : academic degrees and soft skills.

Initially, it is clear that many employers now greatly appreciate university degree because it might be an accurate measures of knowledge gained on a university campus. For example, In many profession like teacher, doctor or lawyer, you cannot apply for these jobs if you do not have the relevant degrees. Actually, there are more and more job opportunities available to university graduates who have the chances to work for the foreign companies, and earn higher salary than those with fewer qualifications.

Secondly, students can learn some soft skills such as group work, presentation or critical thinking at university, which are extremely useful to their future career. Apparently, young people who do not enter college or university often lack basic skills like that, and it is difficult to look for work when the job market is becoming increasingly competitive.

However, it is undeniable that starting work straight when they finish school is attractive for some following reasons. Firstly, many students can earn money by themselve and they do not need to depend too much on their parents. In this way, they will be able to buy a house of their own and start a family. In addition, it offers a golden opportunity to gain work experience and learn practical skills in real environment. This helps to achieve many success in their chosen professions. 

In short, it is better to continue their education after graduating from high school because of academic qualifications and skills. I believe that students can succeed in life and have a bright future  ahead of them when choosing this way. 

 

Answer 1

Most of students nowadays face the dilemma of whether to find a stable job or get a higher education after school. But¹ while getting a job straight has its benefits, the advantages are far outweighed by the difficulties. Therefore, in my opinion, it is more beneficial to go to university or college after school for two main reasons : academic degrees and soft skills.

Initially, it is clear that many employers now greatly appreciate university degree because it might be an accurate measures of knowledge gained on a university campus. For example, In many profession like teacher, doctor or lawyer, you cannot apply for these jobs if you do not have the relevant degrees. Actually, there are more and more job opportunities available to university graduates who have the chances to work for the foreign companies, and earn higher salary than those with fewer qualifications.

Secondly, students can learn some soft skills such as group work, presentation or critical thinking at university, which are extremely useful to their future career. Apparently, young people who do not enter college or university often lack basic skills like that, and it is difficult to look for work when the job market is becoming increasingly competitive.

However, it is undeniable that starting work straight when they finish school is attractive for some following reasons. Firstly, many students can earn money by themselves and they do not need to depend too much on their parents. In this way, they will be able to buy a house of their own and start a family. In addition, it offers a golden opportunity to gain work experience and learn practical skills in real environment. This helps to achieve many successes in their chosen professions. 

In short, it is better to continue their education after graduating from high school because of academic qualifications and skills. I believe that students can succeed in life and have a bright future ahead of them when choosing this way². 

1.       But ko đứng đầu câu, có thể thay bằng ’ However,’, nhưng

2.       When + clause ( not a phrase) -> when they choose this way

Góp ý: phần mở của bạn câu thứ hai ý nghĩa của nó mình ko hiểu bạn muốn liên kết như thế nào với câu chủ đề. Theo mình học thì nếu bạn đã chọn "enter university" thì bạn ko cần đoạn However để giải thích cho cái job.

P/s: mình là new member, rất thix học av, mong chia sẽ kinh nghiệm

Answer 2

Theo tớ thì phần mở đầu của bạn hơi thừa câu. Thường thì chỉ cần 2 câu là đủ. 2 câu cuối của bạn chỉ cần gộp lại 1 là đủ ý và súc tích hơn.

While getting a job straight has its benefits, i believe that it is more beneficial to go to a university or college after school for two mains reasons: .............

Bạn tham khảo nhé

Comments

Mình thì cho rằng bạn tác giả không thừa nếu theo cấu trúc 3 câu mở đầu.

Nói dài dòng. Nói vào vấn đề. Tuyên bố.


Còn kiểu 2 câu của bạn sẽ giống thế này.

Một vài người cho rằng..., trong khi cũng có phản đối. Tuyên bố.


Cách nào cũng được. Tuy nhiên, câu 1 và 2 của bạn tác giả có chức năng như nhau nên cần bỏ một, tiết kiệm các cụm từ thay thế cho 2 đoạn lớn.

Answer 3

Most of students nowadays face the dilemma of whether to find a stable job or get a higher education pursuing further education after school graduation. But while getting a job straight has its benefits, the advantages are far outweighed by the difficulties. Therefore,in my opinion, it is more beneficial to go to university or collegeafter school for two main reasons : academic degrees and soft skills.

Câu 1 viết thế này khá dài, mẫu chung: The issue of ... is a controversial one.

Câu 2 sẽ khiến mình bị lặp từ.

Câu 3 thì không nên nêu 2 ý mình sẽ viết ra. Save them for later.

Personally, I support the view that A is much more important than B.

 

Câu này sẽ bao luôn cả 2 và 3.

 

Answer 4

In short, it is better to continue their education after graduating from high school because of academic qualifications and skills. I believe that students can succeed in life and have a bright future ahead of them when choosing this way.

 

Câu 1 viết không tốt, viết thế này thì chỉ ngang với một câu topic sentence, không bao hàm được ý nào cụ thể.

Câu 2 viết ổn nhưng cái when choosing this way này rườm rà, thật sự thì mình muốn gạch câu này.

 

Chỉ 1 câu:

In conclusion, it seems to me that A is more considerable than B.

 

Ăn cắp câu của bạn:

In conclusion, higher education is a vital part in such present society and I believe that...

 

Nhưng, chỗ này thì bỏ giùm mình cái đoạn when choosing... đi. Cái cụm này chỉ đáng 6.0.