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Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

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 In today’s world of advanced science and technology, we still greatly value our artists such as musicians, painters and writers. What can art tell us about life that science and technology cannot?

 It is fairly undeniable that scientific and technological advancements have tremendously benefited the whole world in various facets. However, those who work in the art field, regardless of forms, including musicians, painters, and writers still draw a great deal of attention. Reasonably, this may since arts can impart further about life in terms of provoking personal imagination as well as reflecting both traditional and cultural values of a nation, which cannot be acquired from science and technology.

Needless to say, it is arts that provide us an opportunity to perceive entities from a different perspective. Specifically, from the world of science and technology, the entity is seen regarding the statistics or its physical features; however, in the world of arts, one can employ imagination and creativity to perceive it. Taking literature into consideration, a yellow leaf dropping, from a scientific standpoint, is considered as a natural biological phenomenon, while it may probably be supposed, in the artist’s eyes, as a way to express the writer’s sorrow, depression, or nostalgia. Furthermore, immersing in their own imaginative and creative minds allows audiences to get various connotative meanings or messages beyond the masterpiece’s appearance when admiring an artwork, which science and technology fail to do so.

More importantly, artworks are regarded as not only the traditional and cultural values of a nation but a reflection of evolution as well. Indeed, an artwork culturally embodies a religion or even a country. Particularly, mentioning Eiffel tower, it is immediately answered Paris or Ao Dai is a reminder of Vietnam. Additionally, it is works of art that instill spiritual value and patriotism into each individual. Obviously, songs, literatures, or paintings mirror the historical period of a country and one is able to visualize what their own country had undergone before it won the independence, which cultivates people’s spirit and patriotism

To recap, due to the aforementioned reasons, I believe that the world of art enables a person to gain a deep insight into life with respect to spiritual values and personal imagination, which are absent from the world of science and technology.

 
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 It is fairly undeniable that scientific and technological advancements have tremendously benefited the whole world in various facets. However, those who work in the art field, regardless of forms, including musicians, painters, and writers still draw a great deal of attention. Reasonably, this may since be because arts can impart further about life in terms of provoking personal imagination as well as reflecting both traditional and cultural values of a nation, which cannot be acquired from science and technology.

Needless to say, it is arts that provide us an opportunity to perceive entities from a different perspective. Specifically, from the world of science and technology, the entity is seen regarding the statistics or its physical features; however, in the world of arts, one can employ imagination and creativity to perceive it. Taking literature into consideration, a yellow leaf dropping, from a scientific standpoint, is considered as a natural biological phenomenon, while it may probably be supposed, in the artist’s eyes, as a way to express the writer’s sorrow, depression, or nostalgia. Furthermore, immersing in their own imaginative and creative minds allows audiences to get various connotative meanings or messages beyond the masterpiece’s appearance when admiring an artwork, which science and technology fail to do so.

More importantly, artworks are regarded as not only the traditional and cultural values of a nation but a reflection of evolution as well. Indeed, an artwork culturally embodies a religion or even a country. Particularly, mentioning Eiffel tower, it is immediately answered Paris or Ao Dai is a reminder of Vietnam. Additionally, it is works of art that instill spiritual value and patriotism into each individual. Obviously, songs, literatures, or paintings mirror the historical period of a country and one is able to visualize what their own country had undergone before it won the independence, which cultivates people’s spirit and patriotism.

To recap, due to the aforementioned reasons, I believe that the world of art enables a person to gain a deep insight into life with respect to spiritual values and personal imagination, which are absent from the world of science and technology.

Bài viết của bạn gần như là hoàn hảo. Ngoại trừ một vài lỗi trên, thì cách dùng từ của bạn khá tốt, các ý được trình bày rõ ràng và tự nhiên, các dẫn chứng cũng rất thuyết phục, không sáo rỗng. Chúc bạn tiếp tục phát huy được điều này, hy vọng những nhận xét này có thể giúp bạn!

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