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The graph shows the percentages of transport that people visiting New Zealand used while traveling, by percentage. There are 5 modes: car, plane, boat, coach, and train. According to the chart, most people used the car. The car accounted for 70% which was the highest figure among 5 modes. Meanwhile, the lowest proportion using the boats, is about 6 percent. Plane and coach make up the second mode used, being about the same, amount of 32 percent. The train was used as the fourth popular means of 20%. In conclusion, public transport is more popular than private transport
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Câu đầu tiên:
- Có thể sửa thành the figure for transport .... by percentage. Như vậy sẽ đa dạng hơn, ko bị lặp từ

- There are 5 modes có thể sửa thành: The given chart illustrates 5 different modes ...

Tiếp theo, nên chia bài viết thành các phần: Ví dụ

- Tổng quan, nêu lên đặc điểm nổi bật: In general, the percentage of people going public transport is higher than that of those using private transport. Addtionally, it is evident that travelling by car is the most common mode.

- Phân tích: Mô tả từng cái như b khá là tốt. Sử dụng từ đa dạng không bị lặp từ

 Tất nhiên việc chia đoạn văn thành 3 phần mở, thân, kết như bạn hoàn toàn không có gì sai. Trên đây là văn phong và quan điểm của mình. Bài viết của b mình nghĩ có thể được band 5-5.5 :D
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