Bài đầu tay của tớ, sửa giúp tớ với. Students at universities often have a choice of places to live. They may choose to live in university dormitories, or they may choose to live in apartments in the community. Where would you prefer to live? Give reasons for your preference. [closed]

Question

• One of the worst issue that a freshman would be faced is choose a place to live. People completely confuse by living in dormitories or renting a house. As far as I’m concern, I strongly prefer to stay at university’s house. Because it quite overwhelm with many advatages such as safe environment, broden their knowleage and economical.

 

1. There is no denying that campus is very secure where is always protected 24-hours by guard. In contrast, if the student immediately decide to rent an apartment for free life, they would encounter to unkind person, even crimes.

 

1. In addition, student who living in dormitories will have a chace to buit friendship with many schoolmates. It means they can expand of great learning and exchange with fore-students. It differ widely from inside, people stay off campus who hardly to meet other schoolmate. And in their freetime, they are easy to be induce to sink in social evils.

 

1. Futhermore, the best advantages for student live in campus is economical. Without a doubt, the costs of reting a house in outside are much more expensive than in campus. As a result of this, student can spend savings on others. Another point is the meal in canteen which create many favourable conditions for them such as inexpensive, tasty and food safety. Conversely, in Viet Nam, food safety make serious public alarm. Hence, student should keep in mind on take a healthy meal.

 

1. In conclusion, living in campus is making a significant advantages for learner which help them save money, have a safe surrounding to live and widen their knowledge. For these reasons, I strongly recommend freshman to stay in university’s house. However, it still exists several drawbacks, students should have some hard thinking before make a final decision on their own. 

Answer 1

One of the worst issues that a freshman would be faced is choosing a place to live. People completely confuse by living in dormitories or renting a house. As far as I am concern, I strongly prefer to stay at university’s house. (Because it quite overwhelm with many advatages such as safe environment, broden?? their knowledge and finance.)

 

It is undeniable that campus is very secure where is always protected 24-hours by guardians. In contrast, if the student immediately decide to rent an apartment for independent life, they would encounter to unkind person, even crimes. In addition, students who living in dormitories will have a chance to build friendship with many schoolmates. It means they can expand their knowledge and exchange with fore-students. It differs widely from inside, people stay out of campus who hardly to meet other schoolmates and easily induce to be sink in temptations. Futhermore, the best advantage for students living in campus is finance. We cannot doubt that the costs of renting a house (in) outside are much more expensive than in campus. As a result (of this), they can spend savings on other purposes. Another point is the meal in canteen which is created with many favourable conditions for them such as low prices, delicious and safe food. Conversely, in Viet Nam, food safety is alerted seriously. Hence, students should keep in mind taking healthy meals

 

In conclusion, living in campus is making (a) significant advantages for students which helps them save money, have a secure and safe place to live and widen their knowledge. For these reasons, I strongly recommend freshmans to stay in campus/domitories. However, it still exists several drawbacks, students should think carefully before making a (final) decision (on their own)

Comments

_Introduce para: I think you should not list your ideas in this para because it is better to list them in body para

_Body para: I dont think your body para is good. Because your ideas and arguments are not parallel. This leads to the unbalance of your essay. I suggest this structure: The first para, you should write opinions that support for your view. The second one, you should write: however, some people argue that....and write the opposite opinions. And the last one, you can write: these problems (that you mentioned above) can be solved by this and this...blah blah.

_Collusion para: good

Overall, you had better to check your spell as well as plural nouns. I think you should take a look at gerund.
Keep writing :)   
I am not an expert so that my correction can be wrong in some ways :)

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oh my god, thank u so so much
this is the frist time i have ever written an ielts topic so i made some stupid mistakes.. thanks

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If you dont understand something, reply and I will explain for you :)

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•    One of the worst issue( issues) that a freshman would be faced is choose a place to live. People completely confuse by living in dormitories or renting a house. As far as I’m concern, I strongly prefer to stay at university’s house. Because it quite overwhelm with many advatages(advantages) such as safe environment, broden their knowleage( knowledge) and economical.
 
1.    There is no denying that campus is very secure where is always protected 24-hours by guard, (where is protected 24-hour by the guard, is so secure). In contrast, if the student immediately decide (students decide immediately) to rent an apartment for free life, they would encounter to unkind person, even crimes.  (Criminals)
 
1.    In addition, (the) student(s) who living in dormitories will have a chace opportunity to buit (create) friendships with many schoolmates. It means they can expand of great learning and exchange with fore-students. It differ widely from inside, people stay off campus who hardly to meet other schoolmates. And in their freetime (free time), they are easy to be induce to sink in social evils.
 
1.    Futhermore (furthermore), the best advantages for student live in campus is economical (advantage for students living in campus is finance). Without a doubt, the costs of reting (renting) a house in outside are much more expensive than in campus. As a result of this, students can spend  savings (money) on others (purposes). Another point (I should mention is that)  the meal in canteen( is) which create many favourable conditions for them such as inexpensive, tasty and food safety. Conversely, in Viet Nam, food safety make serious public alarm. Hence, student should keep in mind on take a healthy meal.
 
1.    In conclusion, living in campus ( or living in an department has its own benefits) is making a significant advantages for learner which help them save money, have a safe surrounding to live and widen their knowledge. For these reasons, I strongly recommend (I believe that )freshman to (should )stay in university’s house (for some above-mentioned arguments). However, it still exists several drawbacks, students should have some hard thinking before make a final decision on their own.