New technology has changed the way children spend their free time. Do advantages overweigh the drawbacks?
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Human beings, in the past decades, have witnessed the super power of the innovation of technology and benefited from its dramatic contributions in their entire life. To advocate such stupendous development in hi-tech, some voice their perspective with its advantages among children; while the opponents are confronting with the apprehensions about the range of consequences on kids in the early age. I believe that it could never overshadow the drawbacks for the following reasons. 

 

On the one hand, it should be acknowledged that the constructive influence of novel technology is one of effective manners inspiring children to ripen themselves in term of study and entertainment. Instead of imposing their kids to absorb the amount of knowledge traditionally at the public schools, some parents allow them to approach the sophisticated devices such as smartphones, Ipad, and laptop which could deliver a huge range of insights on the Internet about every walk of life from science to polity, from geography to history, assisting children’s critical thinking. Besides, creativity and problem solving skills could be encouraged through the various games like puzzles or strategic one. One of the fact that children could also digest the second language naturally by listening and imitating the native speakers from the English videos and movies. All these benefits of advanced technology considerably work to the children under their parents’ supervision. 

 

On the other hand, regardless of above mentioned outcomes, I am firmly in agreement with the opponents that there are some grievous errors in this issue. The potential of violence, firstly, would be controversial when the male kids freely use state of art equipment for violent online games including brutal fighting scenes, causing juvenile delinquency and the female ones, without careful sexual education, would tend to pregnancy due to toxic forums, prohibited websites and misguided  belief which are not under a vigilante censorship. Secondly, the variation in characteristic among children would be adversely affected by progressive technology. In other words, they apply themselves into these sorts of technological devices excessively and lessen the time on real conversations, leading to self isolation or sedentary lifestyle. It is intangible to notice the prospective dangers in the moment but with a shortsighted viewpoint, as the paternity, they have to face some unexpected sequels. 

 

 Despite of the fact that unprecedented technology has promoted itself in the modern civilization generally and among children particularly, some sustainable flaws of its utilities should be taken into account and it is better for authorities and parents take caution in letting children approach such advancement.

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Your essay is too long to read. There's a high chance that you're unable to handle such lengthy piece of writing under exam conditions.

Aside from that, you're trying to use a wide range of vocabulary, but your essay produces frequent inappropriacies in word choice.

There are also some errors in cohesive devices. Figure them out and fix them! Your essay needs a lot of improvements to make it coherent.

Your control of grammar is iffy. Even though I can see a wide range of grammatical structures, I barely see any error-free sentence in your essay.
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