Đề thi IELTS Writing task 2 - 18/02/2016 - New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time ...
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TOPIC task 2 ngày 18/02/2016 :

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

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Hướng dẫn sử dụng trong top Chữa đề IELTS hàng tuần:

Step 1: Click  ở cuối mỗi bài viết được post lên trong top để nhận xét bài viết của các mem khác (ưu tiên những bài chưa có góp ý nào nhé ^^ )

Step 2: Click nút  ở cuối topic này để post bài bạn viết lên. 

Step 2.5: Và đừng quên góp ý cho những bài viết trong mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để kiếm thêm point nhé :)

Luật của Top:

- Mỗi bạn sẽ post bài viết của mình lên dưới dạng góp ý (+2 point cho mỗi bài viết).
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- Bài viết nào được vote nhiều nhất sẽ được chọn làm bài viết hay nhất (+4 point).
 
Hạn chót nộp bài sẽ là 12h trưa sáng thứ 7 tuần này nhé :)

Have fun !

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TOPIC task 2 ngày 18/02/2016 :

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

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It is thought by some people that modern technologies have a huge impact on how children use their free time in both negative and positive ways. From personal perspective, this issue could bring more disadvantages than advantages. To be specific, this essay will discuss both side of the matter and show the reason why disadvantages outweigh benefits.

On the one hand, one evident benefit to children with this changes is that it could help children develop a variety of essential skills. For example, when children use computers, they can learn new words and proper ways to pronounce them which means that their language skills improve. Another realistic advantage is that technologies could expand children 's horizon about the world. Typically, they can access multimedia from internet to explore many different destinations around the world.

On the other hand, there are many obvious disadvantages to children if they use computer frequently. Firstly, becoming addicted to screen can lead children to an unhealthy lifestyle and some particular diseases such as obesity. Moreover, spending more time in front of computers or other devices can affect kids 's mental health in some special cases. Secondly, poor social skills is another passive effect on kids who use most of their free time for playing video games or watching TVs instead of socializing with their peers. Consequently, when they grow up, they could find it hard to deal with people so basically this routines maybe harmful to their lives in the long run. 

To sum up, it is quite clear that this issue has both pros and cons but obviously the disadvantages have a stronger effect on kids 's lives especially in their future.

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Mình có một vài góp ý như sau:

- Thứ nhất bạn dùng nhiều câu lặp lại cụm "is that" quá, nên thay đổi đi cho đỡ lặp

- For example, when children use computers, they can learn new words and proper ways to pronounce them which means that their language skills improve.

Chỗ mình in đậm có thể sửa cho dễ hiểu và ngắn gọn hơn như sau: "Their language skills are improved which are not only on vocabulary but also on pronounciation and listening"

- Children' horizon nhé, not "children's horizon. The same mistake with "kids 's mental health" and "kids 's lives"

Thêm nữa, theo mình nên dùng là "broaden children' mind of the world" thay cho cụm "expand children' horizon about the world" vì bản thân cụm bạn dịch có nghĩa là mở ra cho trẻ một chân trời mới, nghe nó rất to tát sẽ không phù hợp nhiều, chỉ nên dùng là mở mang tri thức cho trẻ thôi nhé

- "poor social skills is another passive effect on kids who use most of their free time for playing video games or watching TVs"

Đoạn này theo mình nên sửa lại như sau:" The lack of interpersonal skills is another drawback of spending much time on playing video games or watching TV"

- Cụm "they could find it hard to deal with people" mình không hiểu lắm. Ý bạn là gì ở đây???

thanks ban nhieu

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