Please review my IELTS WRITING TASK 2

Question

Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

While some people believe that the way schools praising excellent students is normal, others would argue that students who gradually have good performances also should be rewarded. Personally, I do support the view that schools should reward students who show the best academic results.

It is thought that giving encouragements both to those who have reasonable education outcomes and the excellent ones is just. It is obvious that those whose results are higher should be rewarded, but the students who show their improvements also should be given wards due to their striving and hard – working. This could help to ensure equality in the educational environment. Taking my sister’s situation as an example, she is always jealous of her top classmates who achieved just a little bit higher point than that of her but were rewarded, and this makes her feel disappointed at herself.

Despite the above arguments, I support the view that rewarding students who achieve outstanding results have an important role to play in the schooling of the student. The main benefit of doing this is that it would encourage self-learning and create more efforts for other students to make strides in their studies to catch up with excellent students. In doing so, students must more focus on broadening their knowledge and consequently it would be a great both reason and motivation for students. For example, if a student looks at others who achieved rewards such as scholarships, he would take this as motivation and sample to catch up with them and as a result, he could express himself better in education through his improvements and someday he would be rewarded for what he strove for.

In conclusion, rewarding students may be controversial and have two sides, but I still believe that giving wards for students who show the best academic results is greater than the remaining idea.

Answer 1

While some people believe that the way schools praising excellent students is normal (Theo mình nên viết câu này như sau: While it is believed that excellent students deserve to be given rewards by chools), others would argue that students who gradually have good performances also should be rewarded. Personally, I do support the view that schools should reward students who show the best academic results.

It is thought that giving encouragements both to those who have reasonable education outcomes and the excellent ones is just (câu này là sao, mình không hiểu). It is obvious that those whose results are higher should be rewarded, but the students who show their improvements also should be given wards  (rewards) due to their striving and hard – working. This could help to ensure equality in the educational environment. Taking my sister’s situation as an example, she is always jealous of her top classmates who achieved just a little bit higher point than that of her but were rewarded, and this makes her feel disappointed at herself.

Despite the above arguments, I support the view that rewarding students who achieve outstanding results have an important role to play in the schooling of the student. The main benefit of doing this is that it would encourage self-learning and create more efforts for other students to make strides in their studies to catch up with excellent students. In doing so (By doing this), students must more focus on broadening their knowledge and consequently it would be a great both reason and motivation for students (Bạn có thể tham khảo mình sửa câu này cho rõ nghĩa như sau: it would be an excuse for children to motivate themselves in studying). For example, if a student looks at others who achieved rewards such as scholarships, he would take this as motivation and sample to catch up with them and as a result, he could express himself better in education through his improvements and someday he would be rewarded for what he strove for (someday chỉ nên dùng trong văn nói, theo mình bạn nên đổi thành: in the long run/ in the future/ down the road: những cụm từ này nên đặt ở cuối câu).

In conclusion, rewarding students may be controversial and have two sides, but I still believe that giving wards for students who show the best academic results is greater than the remaining idea.

Answer 2

While some people believe that the way schools praising excellent students is normal, others would argue that students who gradually have good performances also should be rewarded. Personally, I do support the view that schools should reward students who show the best academic results.

It is thought that giving encouragements encouragement both to those who have reasonable education outcomes and the excellent ones is are just. It is obvious that those whose results are higher should be rewarded, but the students who show their improvements also should be given wards due to their striving and hard – working. This could help to ensure equality in the educational environment. Taking my sister’s situation as an example, she is always jealous of her top classmates who achieved just a little bit higher point than that of her but were rewarded, and this makes her feel disappointed at herself.

Despite the above arguments, I support the view that rewarding students who achieve outstanding results have an important role to play in the schooling of the student. The main benefit of doing this is that it would encourage self-learning and create more efforts for other students to make strides in their studies to catch up with excellent students. In doing so, students must more focus on broadening their knowledge and consequently, it would be a great both reason and motivation for students. For example, if a student looks at others who achieved rewards such as scholarships, he would take this as motivation and sample to catch up with them and as a result, he could express himself better in education through his improvements and someday he would be rewarded for what he strove for.

In conclusion, rewarding students may be controversial and have two sides, but I still believe that giving wards for students who show the best academic results is greater than the remaining idea.

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