IELTS Writing 5/12/2020: Some people say that modern technology has made shopping today easier, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
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In recent years, the explosion of modern technology, having said that, has created bitter controversies over whether its convenience is practical or not, including experiencing minimalist shopping. From my perspective, I assert that technological modernization indeed contributes to promoting the present comfort of shopping.

 

Several compelling reasons are accounting for why some opponents suppose that technological advancement fails to simplify shopping. One of the most plausible limitations is the complication in buying fresh food though virtual online are expanding with types of product variety. There is no guarantee of the formulating freshness in food due to the uncertainty about remote purchasing, methods of food preservation during delivery, etc. Another possible reason is that some traders also make money off consumers by trading poor-quality goods. Shopping through virtual markets means that consumers could not see the product in person and easily get tricked if not considering it conscientiously. And the refunds in those cases are undoubtedly unacceptable for lack of evidence. However, the scrutiny of every consumer could easily conquer all those restrictions, not to mention that some virtual markets are in the process of improving troubles by offering warranty policies, returning goods, etc. 

 

On the other hand, I and others confirm that technological developments open the era of shopping with conveniences. There is a growing tendency towards cyber shopping under its excellent service. People nowadays could buy anything at home with only a smartphone or a computer connected wirelessly. Time and money savings are maximized by the ability to trade anything in the world regardless of distance, comparison of quality and price between multiple stores selling the same item, and more. Moreover, direct payment via online banking is a fort of cyber shopping.  It allows people to simplify payments through applications, webs in security by the banks they are using. Contrary to the past, cashless payment limited purchasers' shopping with large sums of money because of the risk of theft.

           

In brief, the development of technology has modernized cyber shopping to a new level. Though some limitations are still in the process of promotion, it is my firm conviction that shopping today has satisfied a large number of the customers in reality and gives them hope to the more advanced.  

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Let’s see what can I help you with :3

 

Ở phần introduction:

_Bạn nên lược bỏ “having said that” ở câu đầu tiên -> the explosion of modern technology has created…

_Và nếu đã là convenience thì mình nghĩ là điều đó chính là một benefit và đồng thời sẽ practical chứ nhỉ :D ?

Ở phần body:

_virtual online …. (shopping ? maybe) -> bạn cần điền một noun ở sau bởi vì nếu để không thì k có nghĩa.

_a smartphone or a computer connected wirelessly -> a smartphone or a computer wirelessly connected to internet

_a fort of (?) hiuhiu mình chưa nghe cụm này bao giờ

 

  • Bài của bạn lập luận rất tốt và chặt chẽ, mạch lạc ý tưởng. Mình cũng thích cách bạn kết đoạn body 1 bằng câu “however, the scrutiny…returning goods, etc.”
  • Rất nhiều uncommon words and advanced words được bạn sử dụng uyển chuyển và đúng ngữ cảnh
  • Về flexibility, mình thấy có complex structure và grammar k có lỗi sai đáng kể

 

Có một chút xíu comment của mình về bài của bạn mong bạn cảm thấy có ích heart Anyway, đọc bài của bạn mình cũng nạp thêm kha khá vốn từ vựng của mình đó hihi cool

Keep up with good work buddy! yes

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