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Task 2: Some students prefer to take a gap year between high school to work and to travel. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages ?

 Many students who graduate high school decide to take a gap year before go to university or college. I opposite this idea. The main reason is the disadvantages outweigh advantages.

 

First of all, taking a gap year is a waste of time. Students who take a gap year will find their peer, who are in the same age, study ahead one year. Moreover, losing momentum to study, which greatly reduce the efficiency of study, is the most important reason why students should not take a gap year. No matter do the student decides to work or to travel, he or she will be at a disadvantage compared to their peers who not take a gap year.

 

In the case when a student decides to travel for gap year, he or she would find that it hard to continue to study again after the long enjoyable vacation. Some people said that travel will inspire student about their career. However, it is not likely that he or she can figure out their dream job. On the other hand,

procrastination is unavoidable.

 

In the remained case, a student decide to work. Without sufficient specialized training for any job, which can only be acquired in university, college or vocational school, he or she can only work in general labor jobs. This type of jobs is low wage and low chance of promotion. In addition, working in general labor jobs cannot contribute anything to the career of students, which result in one year is wasted. However, there is an argument that a student takes a gap year to work because he wants to be financially independent from his family. Then will he ready to become financially dependent again after a gap year? Moreover, as I state above, the student who goes to work for a gap year will also lose his momentum which makes difficult for him to become a full-time student again.

 

In conclusion, I completely disagree with the concept of taking a gap year. Investing in education is proven to be the most profitable. Therefore, it is important to do so as soon as possible.  

Rating: 5.90
đã hỏi 23 Tháng 11, 2015 trong advantages,disadvantages bởi hahattpro (9 điểm)
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hạn chế dùng I, WE trog bài viết bạn nhé. đề này mình nghĩ bạn nên thao khảo bài của anh Kiên Trần là tốt nhất.

 Many students who graduate high school decide to take a gap year before go to university or college. I opposite this idea. The main reason is the disadvantages outweigh advantages.

 

First of all, taking a gap year is a waste of time. Students who take a gap year will find their peer, who are in the same age, study ahead one year. Moreover, losing momentum to study, which greatly reduce the efficiency of study, is the most important reason why students should not take a gap year. No matter do the student decides to work or to travel, he or she will be at a disadvantage compared to their peers who not take a gap year.

 

In the case when a student decides to travel for gap year, he or she would find that it hard to continue to study again after the long enjoyable vacation. Some people said that travel will inspire student about their career. However, it is not likely that he or she can figure out their dream job. On the other hand,

procrastination is unavoidable.

 

In the remained case, a student decide to work. Without sufficient specialized training for any job, which can only be acquired in university, college or vocational school, he or she can only work in general labor jobs. This type of jobs is low wage and low chance of promotion. In addition, working in general labor jobs cannot contribute anything to the career of students, which result in one year is wasted. However, there is an argument that a student takes a gap year to work because he wants to be financially independent from his family. Then will he ready to become financially dependent again after a gap year? Moreover, as I state above, the student who goes to work for a gap year will also lose his momentum which makes difficult for him to become a full-time student again.

 

In conclusion, I completely disagree with the concept of taking a gap year. Investing in education is proven to be the most profitable. Therefore, it is important to do so as soon as possible.  

 

Rating: 8.70
đã góp ý 26 Tháng 11, 2015 bởi ngohavu (4 điểm)
0 phiếu
Mình có vài nhận xét như này này:

- Thứ nhất, bài viết của bạn sử dụng I, We trong khi đề bài không hỏi quan điểm cá nhân. Đề bài là "do the advantage of this outweight the disadvantage" thì không được sử dụng đại từ nhân xưng. Chỉ sử dụng quan điểm cá nhân nếu đề bài hỏi rằng: "DO YOU THINK the advantage of thís outweight the disadvantage"

- Thứ hai, bài này là thảo luận về cả lợi và hại. Câu trả lời của bạn là "the main reason is the disadvantage outweight advantage" thì bạn cần nói về vả "advantage" nữa, nếu không thì câu trả lời của bạn sẽ chưa được hoàn thành. Cả lỗi thứ nhất và thứ 2 đều sẽ bị trừ vào lỗi không đạt yêu cầu. Mà lỗi không đạt yêu cầu mà nặng như thế này thì mình nói trước là điểm không quá được band 5 đâu.

- Thứ ba là cái đoạn "On the other hand, procrastination is inavoidable" đáng ra nên là câu mở đầu cho 1 đoạn văn, không phải là câu kết thúc 1 đoạn văn". Cái này sẽ bị trừ vào lỗi kết nối và mạch lạc
Rating: 0.20
đã góp ý 29 Tháng 11, 2015 bởi Vũ Huy Hiếu (23 điểm)

Tips: Thành viên với 10 points trở lên sẽ được sửa bài bởi Team Writing 7.5 :)
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