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Website Chuawritingmienphi là forum chữa bài miễn phí, được chữa từ chính cộng đồng học IELTS, các bạn hãy cũng nhau chia sẻ kinh nghiệm viết bài, cùng nhau chữa bài, góp ý, chung tay vì một cộng đồng học IELTS phát triển hơn nữa nhé.
Luật của Forum: Thành viên với mỗi góp ý bất kỳ tại forum sẽ nhận được số bài chữa tương ứng từ https://ieltsplanet.info/ khi thành viên đó có một bài viết mới tại forum, bài viết được chấm dựa trên format của British Council - sửa bài bởi các bạn có band Writing 7.5+

Các bạn xem bài chữa mẫu tại "http://bit.ly/baichuaW-demo"
Đối với các bài chữa thiếu nghiêm túc sẽ được kiểm duyệt và BAN tài khoản của học viên đó.

Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

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"Nowadays, smartphones play an indespensable role in our modern life because of its big advantages. First of all, smartphone is used for communication. It helps up keep in touch with our families and friends by texting or calling them everywhere. We can also see their faces by video calling function. Next, the smartphone is a means of entertainment. If you are alone and feel bored, it can be with you and makes you feel better. In the same way, we can play games, watch movies and take photos or do whatever we like. Moreover, smartphones help us connect to the Internet. We can send emails or read newspaper by the smartphone. In these days, we can also transfer money by using it. Finally, the smartphone is an useful tool for students studying. They can learn English by watching videos on Youtube or studying by several applications on smartphone's store. In conclusion, one cay say that smartphones have offered a variety of advantages to people."

Thank you!! Have a nice day <3

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã hỏi trong Other bởi (0 điểm)
share bài về Wall để xem lại ===>

Xin vui lòng đăng nhập hoặc đăng ký để góp ý bài viết này.

2 góp ý

+1 phiếu

Đây là phần sửa lỗi grammar hoàn chỉnh rồi nha bạn:

Nowadays, smartphones play an indispensable role in our modern life because of its big advantages. First of all, the smartphone is used for communication. It helps up keep in touch with our families and friends by texting or calling them everywhere. We can also see their faces by the video calling function. Next, the smartphone is a means of entertainment. If you are alone and feel bored, it can be with you and makes you feel better. In the same way, we can play games, watch movies and take photos or do whatever we like. Moreover, smartphones help us connect to the Internet. We can send emails or read a newspaper by the smartphone. These days, we can also transfer money by using it. Finally, the smartphone is an useful tool for students studying. They can learn English by watching videos on Youtube or studying by several applications on the smartphone's store. In conclusion, one can say that smartphones have offered a variety of advantages to people."

Còn phần sửa cấu trúc câu ở đây: (giúp bạn tăng band)

In this day and age, smartphones play an indispensable (pivotal) role in our modern life because of its enormous advantages. First of all, the smartphone is used for communication (It helps up) in terms of keeping in touch with our families and friends by texting or calling them everywhere. Simultaneously, we can also contact to their faces by the video calling function. Next, the smartphone is a means of entertainment. In the condition you are isolated and feel bored, [(it) - chủ ngữ mơ hồ ]  technological tools can be with us and improve one's emotion. In the same way, we can play games, watch movies and take photos or do whatever we like. Moreover, smartphones is a technical gadgets which help us connect to the Internet.From there, not only can we easily (send) transmit emails or read a newspaper by the smartphone, we can also transfer money. Finally, the smartphone is an useful tool for students studying. A typical example for this is that they can learn English by watching videos on Youtube or studying by several applications on the smartphone's store. In conclusion, one can absolutely say that smartphones have offered a variety of advantages to people."

Recommed:

- Your essay is completely excellent

- Due to the fact that your vocabulary is good, but it would be better if you can use some adverb followed by verb in order to emphasise the action.

- Try to use some phrase in order to connect each sentences.

- Look for another synonyms (ex: big --> huge, enormous..)

- All in all, I rated your writing performance is logical in the way you express your idea in each phase. 

:)))))))))

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (105 điểm)
Em cảm ơn nhiều ạ, vì đề giới hạn từ 120-150 chữ thôi ;;;;
À vậy bạn cứ thêm bớt sao cho đủ yêu cầu đề nha :))
0 phiếu

"Nowadays, smartphones play an indespensable role in our modern life because of its big advantages. First of all, smartphone is used for communication. It helps up keep in touch with our families and friends by texting or calling them everywhere. We can also see their faces by video calling function. Next, the smartphone is a means of entertainment. If you are alone and feel bored, it can be with you and makes you feel better. In the same way, we can play games, watch movies and take photos or do whatever we like. Moreover, smartphones help us connect to the Internet. We can send emails or read newspaper by the smartphone. These days, we can also transfer money by using it. Finally, the smartphone is an useful tool for students studying. They can learn English by watching videos on Youtube or studying by several applications on smartphone's store. In conclusion, one cay say that smartphones have offered a variety of advantages to people."

Bài viết tốt

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (95 điểm)

Update: Từ 30/4 Điểm bạn tích lũy được trên CWMP sẽ dùng để đổi quà (vé xem CGV (100 điểm/1 vé, thẻ cào điện thoại 150 điểm/thẻ 50k, khóa học IELTS Online (300 điểm/khóa 3 tháng)
Đăng ký quy đổi điểm tại: Form đổi điểm lấy quà"

Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm Điểm nhé :)

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