The benefits of smartphone - Em đang cần gấp ạ, mong mọi người sẽ góp ý giúp em!

Question

"Nowadays, smartphones play an indespensable role in our modern life because of its big advantages. First of all, smartphone is used for communication. It helps up keep in touch with our families and friends by texting or calling them everywhere. We can also see their faces by video calling function. Next, the smartphone is a means of entertainment. If you are alone and feel bored, it can be with you and makes you feel better. In the same way, we can play games, watch movies and take photos or do whatever we like. Moreover, smartphones help us connect to the Internet. We can send emails or read newspaper by the smartphone. In these days, we can also transfer money by using it. Finally, the smartphone is an useful tool for students studying. They can learn English by watching videos on Youtube or studying by several applications on smartphone's store. In conclusion, one cay say that smartphones have offered a variety of advantages to people."

Thank you!! Have a nice day <3

Answer 1

Đây là phần sửa lỗi grammar hoàn chỉnh rồi nha bạn:

Nowadays, smartphones play an indispensable role in our modern life because of its big advantages. First of all, the smartphone is used for communication. It helps up keep in touch with our families and friends by texting or calling them everywhere. We can also see their faces by the video calling function. Next, the smartphone is a means of entertainment. If you are alone and feel bored, it can be with you and makes you feel better. In the same way, we can play games, watch movies and take photos or do whatever we like. Moreover, smartphones help us connect to the Internet. We can send emails or read a newspaper by the smartphone. These days, we can also transfer money by using it. Finally, the smartphone is an useful tool for students studying. They can learn English by watching videos on Youtube or studying by several applications on the smartphone's store. In conclusion, one can say that smartphones have offered a variety of advantages to people."

Còn phần sửa cấu trúc câu ở đây: (giúp bạn tăng band)

In this day and age, smartphones play an indispensable (pivotal) role in our modern life because of its enormous advantages. First of all, the smartphone is used for communication (It helps up) in terms of keeping in touch with our families and friends by texting or calling them everywhere. Simultaneously, we can also contact to their faces by the video calling function. Next, the smartphone is a means of entertainment. In the condition you are isolated and feel bored, [(it) - chủ ngữ mơ hồ ]  technological tools can be with us and improve one's emotion. In the same way, we can play games, watch movies and take photos or do whatever we like. Moreover, smartphones is a technical gadgets which help us connect to the Internet.From there, not only can we easily (send) transmit emails or read a newspaper by the smartphone, we can also transfer money. Finally, the smartphone is an useful tool for students studying. A typical example for this is that they can learn English by watching videos on Youtube or studying by several applications on the smartphone's store. In conclusion, one can absolutely say that smartphones have offered a variety of advantages to people."

Recommed:

- Your essay is completely excellent

- Due to the fact that your vocabulary is good, but it would be better if you can use some adverb followed by verb in order to emphasise the action.

- Try to use some phrase in order to connect each sentences.

- Look for another synonyms (ex: big --> huge, enormous..)

- All in all, I rated your writing performance is logical in the way you express your idea in each phase. 

:)))))))))

Comments

Em cảm ơn nhiều ạ, vì đề giới hạn từ 120-150 chữ thôi ;;;;

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À vậy bạn cứ thêm bớt sao cho đủ yêu cầu đề nha :))

Answer 2

"Nowadays, smartphones play an indespensable role in our modern life because of its big advantages. First of all, smartphone is used for communication. It helps up keep in touch with our families and friends by texting or calling them everywhere. We can also see their faces by video calling function. Next, the smartphone is a means of entertainment. If you are alone and feel bored, it can be with you and makes you feel better. In the same way, we can play games, watch movies and take photos or do whatever we like. Moreover, smartphones help us connect to the Internet. We can send emails or read newspaper by the smartphone. These days, we can also transfer money by using it. Finally, the smartphone is an useful tool for students studying. They can learn English by watching videos on Youtube or studying by several applications on smartphone's store. In conclusion, one cay say that smartphones have offered a variety of advantages to people."

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