the diagram below shows the process of milk production

Question

The diagram illutrates how milk is produced into major storage. In general, there are eight steps in the process from the cows grazing on the grass to delivery to shops and supermarkets. From the beginning, cows are fed on the field full of grass to make sure that they aren't left hungry and thin. After that, cows are milked in the milking machine twice a day. in the following step, milk is kept cool in the refridgeration storage and delivered daily to Dairy. Next, milk is stored, pasteurized in order to kill all bacteria and produced into some products such as cheese, cream, butter and milk. Finally, those products are packaged and delivered to shops and supermarkets around the world. In conclusion, milk we drink everyday goes through a lot of complicated steps to make fresh, pasteurized milk which contributes nutrients for us to live, study and work well.

Answer 1

Some minor grammar mistake

"to delivery" =>to deleiver

the field full of grass =>the field, which is full of grass/being full of grass

you should not use abbreviation in your academic writing, "aren't"

http://scholarshipplanet.info/check/927/the-diagram-below-shows-the-process-of-milk-production

Comments

What should i do to reduce "word by word"?

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The best way is learning wide range of vocab and the way native people express ideas. You should not think in Vietnamese and then translate to E, in contrast, writing and speaking E in a natural way.