Bài writing ôn luyện hsg anh cấp huyện lớp 9

Question

Giúp mình xem các cụm từ, các câu trong bài xem có tự nhiên, hay không hay là chuyển sang câu khác, hay triển khai bài theo ý khác hay hơn! Mong giúp đỡ ạ!

These days, the Internet plays an important role in our life. It brings many advantages to us in many fields. In education, It gives students a chance to access to the Internet to find study materials, not only to serve for completing homework, assignments but also to qualify standard and advance students' understanding level when searching to extend their lessons. It helps them reach for an effective learning method easily- self-studying with the Internet that saves time to learn online instead of going to the centers, extra classes, money to buy books. In communication, through Internet, people around the world can make friends together, share information, chat, helps raise our relationship to a high level with many tools like Facebook, Zalo, that are organized under Internet. Moreover, we can have meetings, online conversation to talk to others, especially in the far distance. In the economy, investors and businessmen can, update, advertise their companies' products in public and follow their quality, income, feedbacks from customers. Furthermore, customers can buy and pay money on the Internet with a credit card. It also helps develop the individual economy and national economy. Also, the Internet brings us opportunities to entertaining with a huge library of films, games, e-books. In short, the Internet itself is an irreplaceable tool, a creational invention in human's life.

Answer 1

 

 

Answer 2

These days, the Internet plays an important role in our life. It brings many advantages to us in many fields. In education,(theo mình cái này không cần) It gives students a chance to access to the Internet "It" ở đây là "the Internet" rồi thì không thể cho học sinh cơ hội để "access the Internet" được nữa. to find study materials, not only to serve for completing homework, assignments but also to qualify standard and advance students' understanding level when searching to extend their lessons. It helps them reach for an effective learning method easily- sao lại có dấu gạch ngang nhỉ? chỗ này chấm hết câu rồi sang câu mới thôi. Self-studying with the Internet that not only saves time by allowing students  to learn online instead of going to the centers or extra classes, but also money for books. In term of communication, through Internet, people around the world can make friends together, share information, chat, helps raise our relationship to a high level with many tools like Facebook, Zalo, that are organized under Internet. Moreover, we can have meetings, online conversation to talk to others, especially in the far distance. In the economy, investors and businessmen can, update, advertise their companies' products in public and follow their quality, income, feedbacks from customers. Furthermore, customers can buy and pay money on the Internet with a credit card. It also helps develop the individual economy and national economy. Also, the Internet brings us opportunities to entertaining with a huge library of films, games, e-books. In short, the Internet itself is an irreplaceable tool, a creational invention in human's life.