Some students prefer to take a gap year between high school and university to work or to study. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantage?

Question

Whether students should take a gap year is a controversial topic of concern in the field of education. While there are a few benefits to taking a gap year, the shortcomings to this trend are more significant.

 

On the one hand, there are some reasons to believe that taking a year-off is beneficial. From the perspective of travellers, students may have many good chances in order to explore the world and broaden the mind. This means that travelling can help students acquire social and cultural knowledge. From the perspective of workers in the future, this gap time may enable students to enrich themselves with real-life experiences. Students may acquire working skills such as teamwork, communication, which are essential for their future jobs. 

 

On other hand, there are more significant disadvantages to taking a gap year. The primary reason is that the young can be overwhelmed by the unwanted difficulties of the life out of school campus. In other words, this can affect to what they are thinking about their future life. Another reason is that students without clear academic achievements may not return to school after the gap year. What is more, there would be fewer university students, which directly affect to the number of intellectual workforces in the future.

 

In conclusion, although taking a year-off is advantageous in a few aspects, the shortcomings to this trend are more serious to consider. It is recommended that students should not take a gap time between high school and university due to some reasons.

Answer 1

I have just read your essay and I see that we are the same in using single sentences more then compound sentenes. I just give my opinions to your essay. Thanks a lot.

"students may have many great chances in order to explore and broaden their mind about the contemporary world in the 4.0 which make them enhance valuable social and cultural knowledge. From the perspective of employers in current society, the gap time may enable students to enrich themselves with real-life experiences and they may succeed in working skills such as teamwork, communication, which are essential for their future career" => This my feedback in the second paragraph.

a few aspects => some aspects : avoid repeating words.

In the third paragraph, you just give the cause but not show examples.

Comments

Oh thank you so much. Can u give mark for me?

---

Oh, I am in preparing process practice IELTS and so I cannot show your band score. I think we read and contrubute our view. Ultimately, I am really sorry you, If can, this website's administrator indicate your mark clearly. Hope so.

Answer 2

Whether students should take a gap year is a controversial topic of concern in the field of education. While there are a few benefits to [NN1] taking a gap year, the shortcomings to this trend are more significant.

On the one hand, there are some reasons to believe that taking a year-off is beneficial. From the perspective of travelers, students may have many good chances in order to explore the world and broaden the mind[NN2] . This means that [NN3] travelling can help students acquire social and cultural knowledge. From the perspective of workers in the future, this gap time [NN4] may enable students to enrich themselves with real-life experiences. Students may acquire working skills such as teamwork, communication, which are essential for their future jobs. 

On other hand, there are more significant disadvantages to [NN5] taking a gap year. The primary reason is that the young can be overwhelmed by the unwanted difficulties of the life out of school campus. In other words, this can affect to what they are thinking about their future life. Another reason is that students without clear academic achievements may not return to school after the gap year. What is more,[NN6]  there would be fewer university students, which directly affect [NN7] to the number of intellectual workforces in the future.

In conclusion, although taking a year-off is advantageous in a few aspects, the shortcomings[NN8]  to this trend are more serious [NN9] to consider. It is [NN10] recommended that students should not take a gap time between high school and university due to some reasons.

            252 words                                       

---

 [NN1]Inappropriate vocabulary: of

 [NN2]Inappropriate article => broaden their minds/ horizons

 [NN3]Vocabulary suggestion: In other words / In particular/ Particularly

 [NN4]Vocabulary suggestion: this break time / this year off

 [NN5]Inappropriate vocabulary: of

 [NN6]Informal: Additionally / Furthermore

 [NN7]Grammar error: which = this trend/ this situation => affects

 [NN8]Vocabulary suggestion: the drawbacks of this trend

 [NN9]Inappropriate vocabulary: are more considerable

 [NN10]Idea suggestion: As a result, it is recommended that…..

---

CRITERIA	GRADE	COMMENT
Task Achivement	6.5	• addresses all parts of the task although some parts may be more fully covered than others  • presents, extends and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to overgeneralise and/or supporting ideas may lack focus
Coherence and Cohension	6.5	•  logically organises information and ideas; there is clear progression throughout • uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical • may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately
Lexical Resource	6.5	• uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision • attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy • produces rare errors in spelling and/or word formation
Grammatical Range and Accuracy	6.5	• uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms • makes some errors in grammar and punctuation but they rarely reduce communication
Overall	6.5	Overall, your essay is fine, but you have to check again your mistakes after finishing. You should read more task 2 writing instructions, gain more vocabulary related to IETLS topics and consistently practice writing. You have great potential, be more careful next time.