Chào bạn lylyhappy123,
Tôi là Nguyen Tinh, rất vui khi được góp ý bài viết của bạn.
- Nhìn chung bài của bạn viết khá tốt, bài viết đáp ứng đề bài yêu cầu về nội dung và độ dài (269 từ). Bài viết của bạn khá cân đối giữa các phần. Cấu trúc câu bạn dùng cũng khá đa dạng
- Mình xin góp ý các phần sau đây bạn nên xem kỹ lại để bài viết tốt hơn.
* về lỗi lặp từ: "so" bạn có thể thay thế bằng những từ thay thế khác như "therefore, as a result, consequently", "can" thay thế bằng "might, may, would, could"; "as" thì có thể thay thế bằng "when"; "in addition" thay bằng " besides"; "due to" thì thay bằng "because of"; "people" thay bằng citizens"; become thay bằng to be
* Về "tense" bạn cũng nên điều chỉnh cho phù hợp
* Bạn cũng nên sử dụng thường những động từ khiếm khuyết thể hiện "possibility" thay vì viết tất
cả các câu khẳng định hoàn toàn
* Danh từ " the youth" bạn nên chia động từ ở số nhiều
Để tiện theo dõi thì mình xin phép được góp ý trực tiếp trên bài.
In today’s world, urbanization has happened at an unprecedented pace, so more problems emerge in main cities. With this progress, the youth in the cities is likely to face many challenges. This essay will examine some possible approaches to address the problems of young people in big cities.
As the cities become modernized, there are more social evils which have an adverse impact on the youth. In fact, young people are immature, so consequently, they are could be easily affected by social evils such as prostitution and drug dealing. Drug addiction, for example, can make young man become depressed. He also screws up his life when he gets addicted to drug. Another prevalent challenge faced by the youth today is the rising unemployment rate. As Once the cities develop, the employment market may become more competitive. Newly graduates do not have experience that meets the demand of employers. Some graduates holding bachelor degrees have to find blue-collar jobs so as to earn their livings.
The problems can be addressed with proper (bạn nên dùng từ "precise" sẽ academic hơn) solutions. The government should pay attention to the sustainable development of major cities like improving infrastructure and reducing the gap between the rich and the poor. In addition, the government can launch more campaigns to raise people’s awareness of social evils, especially among the youth. In addition (Besides), the government should develop economy and ask for invesment to create employment. One more solution is to build different healthy playgrounds for young people so that they can develop metanlly and physically.
In conclusion, young people in big cities will face more problems due to its continued growth. However, if they are strong-minded and derternmined to grow personally, they can overcome the challenges in urban areas.
Chúc bạn thành công!
Nguyen Tinh