Topic: Advantages of music

Question

I firmly believe that music is a good thing to be created in this world because it has a strong power to create extraordinary things:

The first positive effect is that music that helps us relax and reflect upon our feelings. It happens when a person hears a piece of music, their brain releases a chemical that make them happy, that is dopamine. The more listening to music, the more likely that person to be in good mood.

Secondly, it is one of the greatest ways to learn foreign language. We can improve listening skill and learn vocabulary, some beautiful sentences through the lyrics.

Moreover, music has no distance. That's why I adore someone who is a musician, they can bring us together.
Another advantage is increased animal production. Cows feel amazingly in peace and relaxation when they listen to music and hence, they produce more milk. And chickens also lay many eggs.

To conclude, music exists in parallel with human development. It not only touches us deeply and fundamentally in the heart, but also appeals to our minds.

Answer 1

line 3 "music that helps" sửa thành music helps thôi nhé

line 4 "a person hears a piece of music, their brain releases ...": a person là số ít nên bạn sửa their thành his sẽ đúng hơn nhé

line 4 'that make them happy' : makes nhé bởi vì chia theo từ a chemical

line 10 'Another advantage is increased animal production' increased thành increasing nha

line 10: '..Cows feel amazingly..." ở đây là feel là động từ chỉ giác quan nên amazing vẫn giữ nguyên 

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