Learning to play sports teaches valuable life skills

Question

Sport has been becoming one part of human daily life, plays an important role  toward human heath improvement. However, there is argument whether sport should be regarded as life skill because some people assume that sport is unnecessary to their later career. Personally, not only does sport bring  heathy benefit but also teach valuable life skills.

When you take part in any sport clubs, the first thing that you need is communication skill, nor professional skill .  Sports will give you a chance to interact with other players, if you are freshmen, you will receive support and valuable advice from older people and coach. Communication skill shows observant  and listening skill , which it is very popular in sports. The player needs to  observe the way of competitor ‘s playing, from finding approciate tactic. The second benefit, playing sports build team spirit. For example, in a soccer match,  one member has their own responsilities, position. All members compete for the sake of team.  Whenever team happens conflict, leader and coach will be person standing to settle and associate all members together. Clearly, in a team , you learn how to settle conflict, trust and mutual respect .

However, many people think that sport playing too much leads to injures and heath- related problems. Especially, If you want choose improper sports to your healthy condition, it is possible to make the opposite effect to your health .For example, You have asthma ,but you still go swimming regularly. In general, Playing sports brings more valuable skills than harmful . So, it has been worth  life skills as other academic subject.

Answer 1

"Sport has been becoming one part of human daily life, plays an important role  toward human heath improvement" => nên tách thành 1 câu ghép 

"life skill" => thiếu "s" bạn ạ :v

Personally, not only does sport bring  heathy benefit but also teach valuable life skills => phải chia ngôi 3 số ít vì đảo ngữ chỉ tính ở vế trước không phải vế sau

When you take part in any sport clubs, the first thing that you need is communication skill, nor professional skill => thường chỉ sử dụng trong cấu trúc, ở đây nên thay thành "not"

The player needs to  observe the way of competitor ‘s playing, from finding approciate tactic => tránh việc viết sai chính tả nha. "From" mình nghĩ là nên thành "by" : bằng việc tìm ra...

The second benefit, playing sports build team spirit => câu này nghe giống văn phóng nói hơn, nên chuyển thành "secondly (and more importantly)"

For example, in a soccer match,  one member has their own responsilities, position => their chỉ để thay cho chủ thể ngôi 3 số nhiều. Trong văn phong tiếng Anh nếu không biết giới tính của người được nói đến nên dùng tính từ sở hữu là "his"

Whenever a team happens conflict, the leader and the coach will be the person standing to settle and associate all members together => thiếu mạo từ 

Clearly, in a team , you learn how to settle conflict, trust and mutual respect => Không nên tư duy lối tiếng Việt. "Clearly" chúng ta dịch là rõ ràng nhưng nó không có khả năng bổ nghĩa như này

However, many people think that sport playing too much leads to injures and heath- related problems => chuyển là "playing sports" hoặc hay hơn thì là "sporty activities" (đảm bảo an toàn hơn độc đáo)

Especially, If you want choose improper sports to your healthy condition, it is possible to make the opposite effect to your health => Lỗi về nghĩa: "Nếu bạn muốn chọn môn thể thao không phù hợp với sức khỏe ......" (có ai muốn thế đâu)

In general, Playing sports brings more valuable skills than harmful . So, it has been worth  life skills as other academic subject => nên tách kết bài ra thành một phần riêng

Playing sports brings more valuable skills than harmful => Lỗi song hành: nên chữa là playing sports brings more valuable skills than harmful ones

So, it has been worth  life skills as other academic subject => cái này thì không cần thiết lắm. nếu bạn muốn đạt điểm cao thì không nên dùng những từ informal. nên thay thành "therefore" hoặc "thus"

*chú ý nè bạn <3:

- toàn bài của bạn mình phát hiện ra bạn rất hay thiếu mạo từ "a" và "the"

- nên dùng những từ formal hơn (ví dụ, thay "for example" thành "as an illustration)