In this era of globalization, many aspects of life has been developing; obviously, inter-governmental contact(word choice,this is not only about government contact) is not excluded from this trend. A recent question has been arisen that whether the innovation of air plane and telecommunication benefit parts of the world or disadvantage them in terms of tourism and business. ( exert a positive or negative impacts on tourism and business) This essay will reveal both sides of the debate before coming to a conclusion.
The first reason for my approval( omit, you just say The primary reason is ………..(it's ok) don’t make it too complicated is that overseas travel has been increased recently, owing to the advent of the air plane. Obvious as the fact that the destined countries would have gained profit from the tourism industry.(Combine two sentences into one sentence stating that its benefits: gain money……)
. Take Egypt as a spark ( good )example/A good example is that, , tourism industry contributed to 16.4% of its GDP (equivalent to 10 billion euro) in 2012, saving the national economy through crisis. ( good exampleJ)
Turning to the other side of the argument, the degradation of the sightseeing places might be a problem. Tourists’ unconsciousness accidentally damages and destroys the tourism sites. A typical example comes from World’s Wonder in Cambodia- Angkor Wat. If only the Government had provided the conservation program, the statues and steps wouldn’t have been degraded seriously.
You should divide the body into two parts, this is disadvantages and you should not mix it together
Another support associates with the fast– paced development of the technology. As the telecommunication has been transformed, business opportunities with overseas corporation has increased over times, therefore. Needless to say, supporting software namely email or video conference contributes to shorten the geological gaps all over the world. Thanks to that, domestic companies have the chance to advertise themselves and penetrate into global market. In a broad term, this change enables the growth of national export and import volume. However, there are some challenges to be overcome. The invasion of big abroad corporations might threat the local businesses. Clearly, not only do merge and acquisition pose the risk, but also the acceleration of market share do. Facts have shown that Samsung mobiles took over the market share of other small mobile businesses in the world and led the global mobile phone market in 2013.
I read your essay over and over but I can’t get the point that you want to support for the topic. I think you should rewrite:
In my opinion, I will discuss only benefits about the topic
- The growth of global tourism makes considerable social contributions to society
*create more job due to increasing number of visitors
* improve the quality of workforce to serve customers in international companies
* stimulate cultural exchange
In conclusion, my firm conviction is that world flattening has an equal share of benefits and drawbacks in both tourism and business term. All parties including Governments should take this issue into further consideration for a long run.
I would write conclusion based on your opinion discuss both view, it’s not perfect conclusion but I think you just should make it more simple and clearJ
Despite some disadvantages mentioned above, I still believe that international tourism and businesses brings enormous benefits to the whole society.