551 views
0 votes
0 votes

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.

It is true that the improvement in medical treatment and better nutrtion so human’s lifespan has significantly improved than before, especially in industrialised nations. While this is good news, it does create some issues for both the individual and the society. Therefore, the government can take steps to address those problem.

As older citizens are increasing, developed coutries would tend to become an aging population, which lead to several serious problems. First of all, people of retirement age who will be eligible to recieve a pension. Beside that, the proportion of the young generation will be smaller so the government will recieve less money narrowing nation budget. As a result, tax burden would make  working adults who are under many pressure. Moreover, further pressure would include the rise demand for healthcare, and the fact that younger citizens will have to look after their elderly relative.

There are several actions that governments could take to solve the problems described above. Firstly, the simple solution would be to increase the retirement age for working adults, perhaps from 65 to 70. Secondly, governments should  encourage citizens having more than three children by apropriate policies for those families. As an immediate solution, the laws should be tweaked to encourage immigration. These young people from other countries would help elevate the gross domestic output immediately. These measures, as one can see, are increasingly being popular in the Canada and the United State.

In conclusion, various remedies could be taken to tackle the problems that countries with an ageing population might encounter.

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

It is true that music is an indispensaple part for each of us. As ones can see that a rich variety of musical styles can be found around the world, moreover, music is a vital part of all human cultures for a range of reasons . In my opinion, in comparison with international music, traditional music is more important and more special meaning for individuals.

Music is something that accompanies all of us throughout our lives. Music helps to reduce people’s pressure, for instance, when ones are stressed out, they just need to listen to their favorite songs dispelling all tiredness as well as recharge their battery after hard working day. Furthermore, music also contributes to reducing illnesses, for example, according to a medical magazine, for people with chronic arthritis, listening to jazz every day helps soothe the pain by about 20%. In brief, humans need music because there are many positive effects or results of listening to music .

From my perspective, traditional music should be valued over the international music that has become so popular. Due to advert of technology, music spreads rapidly around the globe, therefore, the young generation prefer international music to traditional music. Nevertheless,  it is just essentially a commercial product that is marketed and sold by business people. In contrast, traditional music expresses the culture, customs and history of a country. Besides, traditional music has an important as an identity of a nation, for example,on vital occasions, citizens will sing nation anthem in order to express patriortism as well national pride.

In conclusion, music is a necessary part of human existence and traditional music is much more important than the modern international music which can be heard in every part of the world. Youngsters should give their heart to their own traditional music to keep their cultural heritage alive.

by
0 points

Please log in or register to answer this question.

3 Answers

0 votes
0 votes

It is true that thanks to the enhancement (tránh lặp từ) in medical treatment and better nutrtion nutrition, human’s lifespan has significantly improved than before, especially in industrialised nations. While this is good news, it does create some issues for both individuals and the society. This essay will point out its consequences and some steps that the government can take to address them.

As older citizens are increasing, developed coutries would tend to become an aging population, which leads to several serious problems. First of all, increasing the number of retired people means that the government have to spend more on welfare. Besides that (Besides: bên cạnh đó khác Beside: giới từ bên cạnh), the proportion of the young generation will be smaller; thus, tax burden would make working adults under much pressure. Furthermore, spending such an enormous money on pension means that the government  has to reduce nation budgets for other categories like transportation and education.  Moreover, further pressure would include the rise demand for healthcare, and the fact that younger citizens will have to look after their elderly relative. (mình thấy ý này khá ko rõ ràng để support idea nên nếu mình viết bài này mình sẽ bỏ đi)

There are several actions that governments could take to solve the problems mentioned above. Firstly, the simple solution would be to increase the minimal retirement age for workforce, perhaps from 60 to 65 for men and 55 to 60 for women. Secondly, governments should  encourage citizens to have more than three children by apropriate policies for those families. As an immediate solution, the laws should be tweaked to encourage immigration. These young people from other countries would help elevate the gross domestic output immediately. These measures, as one can see, are increasingly being popular in the Canada and the United State.

In conclusion, various remedies could be taken to tackle the problems that countries with an ageing population might encounter. (bạn nên summarize problem và solution đã có trên body vào conclusion)

edited by
by
56 points
1 vote
1 vote

It is true that music is an indispensaple[1]  part for each of us. As ones can see that a rich variety of musical styles can be found around the world, moreover, music is a vital part of all human cultures for a range of reasons . In my opinion, in comparison with international music, traditional music is more important and more special meaning[2]  for individuals.

Music is something that accompanies all of us throughout our lives. Music helps to reduce[3]  people’s pressure, for instance, when ones are stressed out, they just need to listen to their favorite songs dispelling all tiredness as well as recharge their battery after hard working day. Furthermore, music also contributes to reducing[4]  illnesses, for example, according to a medical magazine[5] , for people with chronic arthritis, listening to jazz every day helps soothe the pain by about 20%. In brief, humans need music because there are many positive effects or results of listening to music .

From my perspective, traditional music should be valued over the international music that has become so popular. Due to advert[6]  of technology, music spreads rapidly around the globe, therefore, the young generation prefer international music to traditional music. Nevertheless,  it is just essentially a commercial product that is marketed and sold by business people. In contrast, traditional music expresses the culture, customs and history of a country. Besides, traditional music has an important as an identity of a nation, for example,on vital occasions, citizens will sing nation[7]  anthem in order to express patriortism[8]  as well national pride.

In conclusion, music is a necessary part of human existence and traditional music is much more important than the modern international music which can be heard in every part of the world. Youngsters should give their heart to their own traditional music to keep their cultural heritage alive.

Examiner’s comment: Your second body paragraph is unconvincing no matter how you try to persuade the readers to believe in something called ‘national identity, patriotism’. You need stronger arguments  like showing the adverse effect of obsessing with foreign music *Kpop* or how supporting domestic music can benefit the economic as a whole.


Spelling mistake: indispensable

Grammar mistake: Instead write 'has more special meanings

Word choice : relieve

word choice: combating

This phrase doesn't seem to have any validity because we don't know what ' a medical magazine' is

Vocabulary: advertisement

Grammar: 'national'

Spelling mistake: patriotism


CRITERIA

GRADE

COMMENT

Task Achievement

            6

• addresses all parts of the task although some parts may be
more fully covered than others
• presents a relevant position although the conclusions may
become unclear or repetitive
• presents relevant main ideas but some may be inadequately developed/unclear

Coherence and Cohesion

7

• logically organises information and ideas; there is clear progression throughout

uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use

presents a clear central topic within each paragraph

Lexical Resource

7

  • uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
  • uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation
  •  may produce occasional errors in word choice, spelling and/or word formation

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

6

• uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms
• makes some errors in grammar and punctuation but they
rarely reduce communication

Overall

         6.5

 

 

 

 

by
243 points
1 vote
1 vote

It is true that the improvement in medical treatment and better nutrtion[1]  so human’s lifespan has significantly improved[2]  than before, especially in industrialised nations. While this is good news, it does create some issues for both the individual and the society. Therefore, the government can take steps to address those problem.

As the number of older citizens are is increasing, developed coutries[3]  would tend to become an aging population, which lead to several serious problems. First of all, people of retirement age who will be eligible to recieve[4]  a pension. Beside that, the proportion of the young generation will be smaller so the government will recieve[5]  less money narrowing nation budget. As a result, tax burden would make [6]  working adults who are under many pressure. Moreover, further pressure would include the[7]  rise demand for healthcare, and the fact that younger citizens will have to look after their elderly relative.

There are several actions that governments could take to solve the problems described above. Firstly, the simple solution would be to increase the retirement age for working adults, perhaps from 65 to 70. Secondly, governments should  encourage citizens having more than three children by offering apropriate[8]  policies for those families. As an immediate solution, the laws should be tweaked to encourage immigration. These young people from other countries would help elevate the gross domestic output immediately. These measures, as one can see, are increasingly being popular in the Canada and the United State.

In conclusion, various remedies could be taken to tackle the problems that countries with an ageing population might encounter.


Spelling mistake: nutrition

Word choice: increased

spelling mistake: countries

Spelling mistake: receive

Spelling mistake: receive

Word choice: put

suggestion : aging population would

Spelling mistake: appropriate


CRITERIA

GRADE

COMMENT

Task Achievement

            6

• addresses all parts of the task although some parts may be
more fully covered than others
• presents a relevant position although the conclusions may
become unclear or repetitive
• presents relevant main ideas but some may be
inadequately developed/unclear

Coherence and Cohesion

6

• arranges information and ideas coherently and there is a
clear overall progression
• uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within
and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical
• may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately
• uses paragraphing, but not always logically

Lexical Resource

6

• uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task
• attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some
inaccuracy
• makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation, but
they do not impede communication

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

6

• uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms
• makes some errors in grammar and punctuation but they
rarely reduce communication

Overall

            6.0

                            

 

 

 

by
243 points

Related questions

0 votes
0 votes
1 answer
0 votes
0 votes
1 answer