Bài bạn dùng nhiều từ mới, mình đọc thì có cảm nhận là hơi gượng ép dùng từ học thuật ấy. Ở task 2 thì thường là dùng ý kiến cá nhân và tranh luận, dẩn chứng, thì hiện tại hoàn thành chỉ dùng trong một vài câu, ở đây bạn áp dụng cho hầu hết các câu, theo mình thì củng nên điều chỉnh lại.
Childhood diseases ( childhood là khoàng thời gian, cụm này mình nghĩ không đúng) are considered to pose a great threat to children’s development. While some hold a belief that it is parents’ onus => the onus of parents to cloak their children under protection by preventative medicine against dreadful diseases, others might contend that they own their freedom of choice to have their children vaccinated. From my perspective, it is partly true that parents must take responsibility of immunizing their children, yet I am also inclined to the freedom of parents’ decision in this case => to make their own decision.
On the one hand, it is argued by some that vaccinating children should have been rendered mandatory in every part of the world. Having children immunized by preventative => preventive medicine has been scientifically proven and embraced by a majority of fathers and mothers due to its effectiveness and safety. Apparently, children themselves are vulnerable against fatal childhood diseases. Governmental bodies( mình không hiểu ý này lắm), therefore, are in favor of spreading implementation of this medical approach to reduce the incident of deadly childhood illnesses. Indeed, not only relevant legislation have many competent authorities around the globe imposed but they have been making a/the constant effort to disseminate abundant propaganda advocating such actions as well.
However, those opposing to such a view would reckon that whether parents opt for vaccination=>vaccinating or not is of their free will. To begin with, the expense of providing vaccinating immunization for children may financially burdened impoverished families, especially those in undeveloped or developing countries. In fact, many Third World (no capital) nations demonstrate their incapability in affording free or low-cost vaccination for all children owing to the unreasonably high price for its mass production. Another point worth mentioning is that, despite the unimaginable low possibilities, children still attainably undergo some threats and hazards. It has been reported, actually, that several sporadic cases of allergy or shock medication towards immunizing medicine recorded all over the world.