Advantages and disadvantages of telvision.

Question

 As you know, television is considered as a great invention in the world. It has changed our life a lot. Televion brings to us both positive and negative effects, however.

 First is the advantages of television.The most obvious benefit is that television is informative and convenient. We can receive the information from all over the world without living home. Next, television helps us relax after a hard-working day. Besides watching television with our family will make us feel more comfortable. There are many educational programme on television so that children can learn from them and enrich their knowledge.

In addition to above advantages, television has some disadvantages. If we spend too much time watching television, it will harm to our eyes. According to some recent surveys, many children are short-sighted because of watching television and this rate has trend to ncrease. Now, watching television is one of the most popular leisure activities. People don't want to go out and stay at home to wach television. When watching TV, their brains and bodies don't have to work, so they will become lazier. Moreover, some violent and inconsonant programs are aired on television. It is dangerous if children imitate these negative behaviors. Parents should only let their children see programs for fun and education.

In conclusion, television has played an important part in our life. We should make use of its advantages and limit the disadvantages to make our life better.

Answer 1

Bạn sử dụng dấu chấm hơi nhiều. Bạn nên sử dụng bố cục như vầy để đảm bảo tiêu chí coherence and cohesion:

Intro :(2 sentences)

Background information

Paraphrase topic

Body (2 paragraphs)

Para 1:( 4 sentences) 

Topic sentence

Support 1

Support 2

Example

Para 2 tương tự (thường là disadvantage hoặc là ý kiến về vần đề khác)

Conclusion (2 sentences)

Review topic

Opinion .

Bạn nên có conjunctions cho mỗi câu trong bố cục trên bài của bạn thiếu một vài liên từ.

Phần examples thì nên viết cho rõ ràng ko nên viết chung chung quá vì đọc bài bạn giám khảo sẽ thắc mắc "There are many educational programme on television so that children can learn from them and enrich their knowledge." educational programme nào ?

"For examples, "Vượt lên chính mình"  hay là  " Man vs wild" của Bear Gryll..."

http://chuawritingmienphi.com/index.php/7925/bai-ietls-task-2-languages-and-culture chữa giùm mình cám ơn.

 

 

Comments

Cảm ơn bạn, mình sẽ cố gắng khắc phục.

Answer 2

 

Comments

Cảm ơn, mình sẽ tham khảo.