The chart below shows information about the problems people have when they go to live in other countrie

Question

The graph illustrates three major difficulties met by outlander when they move to new countries and the variation of problems according to age.

     It is obvious that there are a lot of things that people have to cope with, especially for middle groups. The greatest problems that the two older groups suffer is taking care of their healthy, with the percentage of more than 35 percent in each ones. However, it is easier for the oldest group to deal with the lack of money, a problem experienced by nearly 30 percent of people in this group. In comparison, the two younger groups find it harder, with the percentage of people confronting is higher, from nearly 35 to 35 percent.

     It is also simple for the two extreme groups to handle with chosing school for their children, with only 2 to 6 percent of people. In contrast to this two groups, middle people struggle this problem more hardly, with nearly 20 percent people in this group.

Answer 1

Chào bạn Quốc Trưởng, mình vào chửa bài thấy chưa có hinh đính kèm nên hơi khó góp ý, bạn gửi lên lại nhé hoặc, gửi qua email: [email protected] mình upload lên hộ nhé.

Comments

Mình gửi r nhà. Giúp mình với b

Answer 2

Hello, mình add hình và có góp ý bài của bạn ở dưới nhé.

Bài task 1 này được chia làm 3 đoạn, nhưng mà thông thường thì mình thấy bài viết được chia thành 4 đoạn, sẽ rõ ràng và dể đạt band cao hơn, bạn thử vào xem bài viết mẫu ở site Ielts-simon.com.

The graph illustrates three major difficulties met (phần mở bài mình chưa thấy bài mẫu nào dùng thì ở quá khứ)by => of outlander => immigrant when they move to new countries and the variation of problems according to age => Câu này nó thực sự hơi thừa vì ở câu đầu bạn đã nói 3 khó khăn chính.

The graph illustrates three major difficulties of immigrant when they are settling in new community acording variation of ages.

It is obvious that there are a lot of things that people have to cope with, especially for middle groups. The greatest problems => biggest problem (không S)(từ greatest +N thường được dùng trong cụm từ mang tính tích cực)that the two older groups suffer is taking care ( suffer là Verb, is là verb, ko đứng cùng nhau nhé) of their healthy, with the percentage of more than 35 percent in each ones. However, it is easier for ( task1 là mô tả nội dung biểu đồ, những câu đánh giá ý kiến cá nhân ko được đưa vào) the oldest group to deal with the lack of money, a problem experienced by nearly 30 percent of people in this group. In comparison, the two younger groups find it harder (Câu này lỗi tương tự, ý kiến cá nhân), with the percentage of people confronting is higher, from nearly 35 to 35 percent.

It is also simple for the two extreme groups (Câu này lỗi tương tự, ý kiến cá nhân) to handle with chosing  => choosing school for their children, with only 2 to 6 percent of people. In contrast to this two groups, middle people struggle this problem more hardly (Câu này lỗi tương tự, ý kiến cá nhân) , with nearly 20 percent people in this group.

Comments

Thanks b nhiều nha

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Mình viết lại. Có thời gian thì sửa giúp mình nhé. Many thanks
The graph below illustrates the three major difficulties of outlander immigrant when they move to new countries according to the variation of age
     General, the two difficulties that all of three groups have been through with the higher rates of people in each group are finances and health. Specially, that of middle are highest.
       There are significant percentages of people who struggle with health problem in two older groups, between 36 and 37 percent, compared with a bit more than 30 percent that of last one. However, the percentages of people who must deal with lack of money in two younger groups are bigger than the oldest one, which make up for nearly 30 percent, in comparison with nearly 35 and 35 percent that of the two younger ones.
         It is obvious that the extreme groups reach the significantly low rates of people dealing with choosing schools for children in comparison with last one, with only from 2 to 6 percent, while the middle one account for nearly 20 percent