As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. agree or disagree?

Question

There is a proposition that financial institutions, beside revenue-generating activities, should parallelly accompany with community responsibilities. From my objective view, i fully agree with this commentary

 

Gaining profit is a major priority of enterprises to expanding their progress in the extension whereby it would fuel a significant growth of nation-related economic environment, namely providing tremendous amount of employment and yielding high-quality products to public. Furthermore, profit gains from finance movement can be utilised to sponsoring essential start-up in bid to encourage groundbreaking innovations.

 

Regarding aspect of social responsibility.An undeniable obligation of each individual or entity when they living and settling in their country is paying tax, the more profit the association earn the more tax they have to pay to the government. The main reason for imposing tax is adding more income into national budget which used to fortify infrastructure, education, healthcare, so on and so forth. A part from that, in the face of morality is regarded as must-do responsibility as well. for instance, there is an organization called world trade organizations (WTO) which consist of variety of worldwide financial entities attempt to distribute fund to help deprived civilian and country from around the world.

In conclusion, on the way to building a robust economic foundation, taking social responsibility is an unavoidable affair of each and every financial association.

 

Answer 1

There is a proposition that financial institutions[W1] , beside revenue-generating activities, should parallelly accompany with community responsibilities. From my objective view, i fully agree with this commentary 

Gaining profit is a major priority of enterprises to expanding[W2]  their progress in the extension[W3]  whereby it would fuel a significant growth of nation-related economic environment, namely providing tremendous amount of employment and yielding high-quality products to public. Furthermore, profit gains from finance movement[W4]  can be utilised to sponsoring essential start-up in bid to encourage groundbreaking innovations[W5] . 

Regarding[W6]  aspect of social responsibility[W7] .An undeniable obligation of each individual or entity when they living and settling [W8] in their country is paying tax[W9] , the more profit the association earn the more tax they have to pay to the government[W10] . The main reason for imposing tax is adding more income into national budget which used to fortify infrastructure, education, healthcare, so on and so forth. A part from that, in the face of morality is regarded as must-do responsibility as well. for instance, there is an organization called world trade organizations (WTO) which consist of variety of worldwide financial entities attempt to distribute fund to help deprived civilian and country from around the world.[W11]

In conclusion, on the way to building a robust economic foundation, taking social responsibility is an unavoidable affair of each and every financial association.

 

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 [W1]Expression suggestion: Businesses: include all kinds organization; financal institutions is narrow in meaning

 [W2]Expression suggestion:

1 Before you give idea or analyze question statement, must need to add TOPIC SENTENCE. It make paragraph is to more logical.

2 to expand NOT expanding ( you need to review how to use V+ing in sentence )

 [W3]Expression suggestion: It is too long and not necessary. These words also make reader to be confused

 [W4]Expression error: It is not clear for reader to understand what you mean here.

Refer to: companies create profit from their operation…

 [W5]Sugguestion for all this paragraph:

1 Topic sentence: On the one hand, there are few causes that companies should contribute back to the community.

2 Reason – Expain:  enhance brand company, long-term benefit is to back company too

3 Give example: Namely global company as Starbucks, Microsoft –Billgate and Milinda foundation etc

 [W6]Grammar error: Regarding to

 [W7]Expression suggestion: Task 2 and this kind of question statement : you must mention clearly two views: one is to agree and second is to degree.

 [W8]Grammar error:  why you add V-ing ? and settling, living in same meaning why you used two words ?

 [W9]Grammar and expression error: 

Refer to: Obligations of people live in certain countries is to pay amount of money for taxing.

 [W10]Expression error: the content is not appropriate. These words is in a sentence but I see It have no link.

 [W11]Expression error: It seems you misunderstood the question statement. You must review all this easy and if you have any question about certain points in this easy, just comment I would like to dicuss on it.