Đề thi IELTS - 25/07/2015 - As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities ...

Question

TOPIC task 2 của tuần này update ngày 25/07/2015 :

As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. Do you agree or disagree?

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Hạn chót nộp bài sẽ là 12h trưa sáng thứ 7 tuần này nhé :)

Have fun !

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Bài mẫu: Updating...^^

 

Answer 1

Hi everybody, I am the new member in this forum , and it's the first time that I post my essay . Therefore , It's a pleasure for me to get your assessment in order to make my writing skill better. Thank you! 

 

The today's world are developing in many fields through the intelligence and zealousness of businessman. However, there are quite a few people proposed that employers should be responsible for not only their profit from investments but also social obligations . In my viewpoint , I readily consent to masses 's concepts , by reasons will be discussed beneath

Firstly , the more merchants help their society , the more eases and peace of mind they will gain . As can be seen, these people have felt  that there was by far much pressure putted on their shoulder due to money  . Several voluntary jobs which help the public , hence , partly enable them to look for some serene moments before going back to daily work .For example , according to Reports of Global High Times in Japan , 80% businessman periodically use their leisure time for communal activities such as funding to the disability foundations , help the indigent families and the like .

Another primary advantage is that employer could constitute higher and higher their fame throughout social tournaments  in order to acquire more and more financial conditions  for supporting the society , which result in a circle . The tendency are recently commonplace in  America . When a famous administrator who have a good manner desire to be a politician , they have to build up their reputation during elections ,so that the majority of money cost either in or out events  is likely to spend for amelioration of living standard in their state. Consequently, the citizens are full of trust to their future leader ,and the nation continuously enhance its prosperiy

In conclusion, I reaffirm that businessman are instrumental in positive changes of society . However , It's unquestionable that each contributions heavily depend on themselves, and the encouragement of the media    

(303 words )

Comments

 The today's world are (is) developing in many fields though (thanks to) the intelligence and zealousness of businessmen. However, there are quite a few people proposed that employers should be responsible for not only their profit from investments but also social obligations . In my viewpoint , I readily consent to masses 's concepts , by which reasons will be discussed beneath

Firstly , the more merchants help their society , the more eases and peace of mind they will gain . As can be seen, these people have felt  that there was (has been) by far much pressure putted on their shoulder due to money  . Several voluntary jobs which help the public , hence , partly enable them to look for some serene moments before going (they go) back to daily work .For example , according to Reports of Global High Times in Japan , 80% businessman periodically use their leisure time for communal activities such as funding to the disability foundations , help the indigent families and the like .(i think you should not use statistics in the writing part 2 which the readers do not know)

Another primary advantage is that employer could constitute higher and higher their fame throughout social tournaments  in order to acquire more and more financial conditions  for supporting the society ,which result in a circle ( i think you should make it more clear here) . The tendency are (is) recently commonplace in  America . When a famous administrator who have (has) a good manner desire to be a politician , they have to build up their reputation during elections ,so that the majority of money cost either in or out events  is likely to spend (be spent) for amelioration of living standard in their state. Consequently, the citizens are full of trust to their future leader ,and the nation continuously enhance its prosperiy

In conclusion, I reaffirm that businessman are instrumental in positive changes of society . However , It's unquestionable that each contributions heavily depend on themselves, and the encouragement of the media    

(303 words )

Comments : overall, i think your essay satisfactorily answered the question. there are still quite a few grammatical mistakes, however they do not make it difficult for readers to understand the text. the use of vocabulry is the best feature with some natural expressions and word choices.

Answer 2

There is no doubt that rapid evolution of society is an integral part in the development of many companies. Some people are of the opinion that besides earning money, enterprises should pay more attention on the whole society and I completely agree with this statement.

Firstly, being socially responsible is a smart way to build their brands. This is means that when businesses put one hand to support the community through various charity funds, these might increase the recognition of many people in the positive way and boost the company reputation among customers by the enormous power of social media without worrying about creation of exciting adverts. As a result, huge profits together with customer trust can come in natural way and maintain sustainably in the long term.

Another reason is that many talented candidates are found by this way. When the society witnesses the poor development, many businesses may bear heavy losses especially on lack of good resources. By investing on education, a lot of standout students have a chance to fulfil their dreams and become core members or experts in these firms through different types of scholarship programs in the university. In addition, this may make these employees remain more loyal to their company as well as support the company going through the tough time.

In conclusion, the businesses and the society have a strong relationship to each other. Therefore, I am convinced that being kind to the surround community, the businesses may get more benefits like the reputation and loyal employees than they can see.

(258 words)

Comments

Một tuần rồi mà ko ai chữa bài giúp mình cả, thiệt là buồn quá đi... huhu :'(

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There is no little (avoid using absolute language) doubt that rapid evolution of society is an integral part in the development of many companies. Some people are of the opinion that besides earning money, enterprises should pay more attention on to the whole society and I completely agree with this statement.( you sentence would sound better if you used not only but also structure here)- your effort to answer the question is noticeable,but somewhat unclear. 

Firstly, being socially responsible is an smart effective way to build promote (dont try to translate from vietnamese to english) their brands. This is means that when businesses put one hand to unnecessary, we dont normally say this in English support the community through various charity funds, these might increase the recognition not sure what you try to say here of many people in the positive way and boost the company reputation among customers by the enormous power of social media without worrying about creation of exciting adverts (extremely long sentence, and the idea you try to express is not clear). As a result, huge profits together with customer trust can come in natural way and maintain sustainably in the long term.Read the question again,and  ask yourself whether you really answer the question in this para. Sounds like you try to explain why businesses should take social responsibilities. 

Another reason is that many talented candidates employees  are found by this way. When the society witnesses experiences  the poor development, many businesses may bear heavy losses, especially on  lack of good resources. By investing on education, a lot of standout students have a chance to fulfil their dreams and become core members or experts in these firms through different types of scholarship programs in the university(again, extremely long sentence with vague idea, who investes on education is not clear). In addition, this may make these employees remain more loyal to their company as well as support the company going through the tough time this is not mentioned in topic sentence . Again this paragraph is out of topic.

In conclusion, the businesses and the society have a strong relationship to each other. Therefore, I am convinced that being kind to the surround community society-be careful surrounded community is not the same as society, the businesses may get gain more benefits like such as the reputation, loyal and skillful employees. you mentioned about talented and loyal employees  than they can see. 

What to work on 

Focus on staying on the topic. This can be done by  planning your essay beforehand. 

Learn vocubularis in their contexts. I recommend to read a lots, and learn new words while you read . Dont just have a list of words to learn by heart. 

Learn to write short sentence to begin with. This will help you to express your ideas clearly and effectively.

Finally, pay attention to grammar. 

 

I offer writting correction service 20k/essay or report. contact me on [email protected] or [email protected] 

Answer 3

It is argued that companies should contribute to community as part of their activities. While I accept that corporations might focus on their businesses, I believe that social responsibility should be taken into account.

On the one hand, it is believed that the primary function of companies would be making money instead of solving communal issues. The first reason is that these organizations have participated in social development through the tax system. By paying money for the national budget, firms have supported to improve a wide range of public services such as education system or social welfare. Furthermore, companies are often structured to run business, so it would be challenging for staff to manage to organize an aid program. For example, if an employee working in marketing department is required to arrange a charity trip to help disabled children, he or she will have to consult various people to ensure that trip could be successful.

On the other hand, I believe that engaging in communal duty should be prioritized by corporations. Firstly, when conducting business, companies regularly bring adverse effects on surrounding areas including air pollution or water contamination. If firms do not take any serious measure, they could be imposed a heavy fine or even required to cease manufacturing. Secondly, corporate contribution could create a more prosperous nation. This is due to the fact that financial resources subsidized by local businesses which is invested in community’s infrastructure such as hospitals or schools will result in a well-educated and healthy workforce, and in turn a more productive and affluent society.

In conclusion, earning money should be the principal purpose of any business, however it seems to me that they should not ignore their communal roles.

Answer 4

Commercial organizations have always had considerable impact on the society. Some people believe that besides earning profit, enterprises are also expected to be socially responsible. I completely agree with this statement.

Evidently, embracing corporate social responsibilities contributes enormously to brands’ images and reputations, which brings a lot of advantages. First of all, consumers are more approachable for brands with high reputation than those without. As a matter of fact, since customers hold their belief in ethical companies, these ones stay as their first choices, therefore, they are more easily convinced to buy these firms’ products. In addition, companies which embrace social responsibilities are likely to attract more investors due to their potential. It is undeniable that better-financed businesses are more flexible and have a wider range of solutions for their problems compared to the other ones.

Furthermore, practicing social responsibilities also encourages businesses’ sustainable development by keeping employees engagement. Keeping staff involved in social activities may promote their pride of their companies, which would transform into their loyalty, devotion and productivity as well. Besides, businesses which are socially responsible usually have more opportunities in recruitment. The more possible it is for candidates to think that these businesses could provide them for a better work environment, the more talented workers they would employ.

In conclusion, while making money is the most indispensable task of every corporation, social responsibility is no longer an optional for them. As long as they keep the balance between profits and social responsibilities, the companies’ long-term development would be ensured.

(253 words)

Mọi người chữa bài này hộ mình nhé :)) http://scholarshipplanet.info/check/3541/consequences-expectancy-increasing-advantages-development-outweigh-disadvantages

Answer 5

I think your your idea is not very taut and clear. Besides many grammatical mistakes that confuse readers, there are a few words which are not properly used. From my perspective, you should try to write an essay with simpler grammar and sentences to make your essay more coherent. Your strongest point is the ability to use quite a wide range of vocabulary, though some are not appropriate. Words ,which are not used repeatedly, partly make the whole essay interesting and colourful.

Comments

xin mạn phép hỏi , comment của bạn là nói essay của ai vậy?

Answer 6

I'm a new member. Nice to meet you all! Here is my essay, please comment my mistakes. I am very grateful for having you correcting my writing.

Businesses have been extending and making the worldwide economy to grow dramatically. It is undeniable that the main purpose of bsinesses is to bring profit to entrepreneurs. A question had been set : Is it necessary for businesses to serve social responsibilities? In my opinion, entrepreneurs should consider serving community as one of their tasks besides making money.

First of all, people who are doing businesses are a part of the society as well as others. It is a fact that no one can deny. Therefore, serving the society will benefit themsevlves.

On the other hand, it is stated that each citizen has the responsibility to provide their resources as their country calls for help. In order to maintain the social system and public services, it is important that the citizens understand both their rights and responsibilities.

Social serving can also contribute to the businesses. Successful businesses could not exist without a healthy economy and safe environment. Helping the government in creating a peaceful society is something that the entrepreneurs should pay attention to.

Another advantage which is only for responsible businesses is better reputation. Customers tend to show more satisfaction and favor the products or services of the companies which is active in serving the community.

In conclusion, social reponsibilities are not only for individuals but also for companies, corporations and organizations. Profit might have great dominance; however, fulfilling the duties to society also benefits the businesses and the entrepreneurs in many ways.