ielts task 1 sáng 28/12- em tự học writing mong mọi người cho em thêm ý kiến và chữa lỗi

Question

The line graph illustrates the consumption smoking of men and women between 1960 and 2000 in Someland a period 40 years

It can be seen from the graph while the percentage used smoking of men decreased, there was a slight increased in the rate of women

From 1960 to 1975, about 300 women had used smoking compared of men, the amount of men smoking was less than in beginning from 600 per to 500 the percentage of men.According to the graph during in the following 10 years the rate of women who smoked in Someland continued seeing a increasing trend almost 300.In contrast, the rate of men go down from 500 to 400  in ten years of the period shown.

Afterwards,the smoking rate among both genders gradually decreased between 1985 and in 2000, almost 200 to 250 male and female in Someland smoked. Though more males in Someland smoked, the increasing trend of the female smokers was somewhat alarming.  

Answer 1

The line graph illustrates the consumption smoking of men and women between 1960 and 2000 in Someland a period 40 years

It can be seen from the graph while the percentage used smoking of men decreased, there was a slight increased increase ( chổ này danh từ) in the rate of women

From 1960 to 1975, about 300 ( bạn chọn khoảng thời gian, nhưng lại pick số lượng tại năm 1975) women had used smoking compared with of men, the number amount of men smoking was less than in beginning from 600 per to 500 the percentage of men. According to the graph during in the following 10 years the rate of women who smoked in Someland still maintain around 300 people  continued seeing a increasing trend almost 300 people .In contrast, the rate (có thể dùng volume, tránh lặp từ ) of men go down from 500 to 400  in ten years of the period shown.

Afterwards, the smoking rate among both genders gradually decreased from … to…… between 1985 and in 2000, almost around 200 to 250 male and female in Someland smoked. Though more males in Someland smoked, the increasing trend of the female smokers was somewhat alarming. ( câu của bạn mình gợi ý viết lại) The large number of men  and the increase of women who smoke cigarette that  make alarming in society.

 

Trên là góp ý của mình, bạn có thể comment để trảo đổi nhé :))