Many people use distance learning programmes to study at home, but some people think that it cannot bring the same benefits of attending college or university.To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Question

With the increasing number of people who are prone to opted for remote learning, whether this new type of learning can brings as many benefits to learners as the traditional one has caused a heated debate. Personally, I believe that both education approaches can be effective and beneficial to students.
On the one hand, the option to study online is attractive for several reasons. In modern society, many young people who have a passion for learning are impoverished or disadvantaged in some way that make them having trouble in going to school and paying for tuition. Through providing online courses, societies and colleges can facilitate and enable these learners to gain access to educational opportunities. My cousin, for example, who was innately paralytic is one of the young taking great advantages of distance learning. With the help of the Internet and online lessons, he can continue to accummulate knowledge and gain a bachelor degree without facing up to difficulties in geographical distance. Another significant merit of remote learning is linked to time flexibility. In other words, learners have more rights in arranging their curriculum to be compatible with their daily routines, therefore, reduce the heavy burden of heavy study.
On the other hand, classroom-based learning has undeniable merits. In face to face classes, by a virtue of coursework and projects, students are required to corporate with their friends. In this way, they can learn about team spirits and develop collaboration, one of the key soft skills for their future career. Furthermore, in the third or fourth year at college, students have chances to internship at companies connected to their schools. As a results, they can obtain not only theoretical but also practical knowledge and experience while observing and learning from a true working environment. Unsurprisingly, when it comes to job market, they can be more competitive candidates and likely to find an ideal job.
In conclusion, it seems to me that both types of learning methods are advantageous to students. All nations should assess and combine them to develop the best educational systems for their people.

Answer 1

Mình có một số góp ý nhỏ thế này:

- Bạn không nên dùng "heavy study", thay vào đó nên dùng "heavy study load" vì tổ hợp từ này chuẩn hơn.

- "internship" không có hình thái động từ do đó không thể dùng "have chances to internship". Dùng "have chances to do an internship" sẽ tốt hơn.

- cụm từ "difficulty in something/doing something" mang ý nghĩa là "khó khăn khi làm gì đó", do đó không nên dùng "difficulty in geographical distance". Có thể sửa lại thành "difficulty related to geographical distance".\

- chỗ "have more rights in arranging their curriculum" cũng nên sửa lại thành "have more options to change/adapt their curriculum"

http://chuawritingmienphi.com/index.php/6677/distance-learning-programmes-people-benefits-attending-college-university-disagree

Comments

Cảm ơn bạn rất nhiều  !!!!!!

Answer 2

your essay has some gramatical mistakes and some sentences dont make sense.
 +  "whether this new type of learning can brings "=> bring 

+ " in some way that make them having trouble in going to school and paying for tuition" => some ways that make them HAVE troubles in....
+ " In other words, learners have more rights in arranging their curriculum to be compatible with their daily routines, therefore, reduce the heavy burden of heavy study. " word choice: rights, compatible . reduce => reducing 

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