What causes happiness?

Question

I  honestly ask a favour of you all to help me correct this 275-words essay, thank you so much for doing that. 

                Happiness becomes the topic considered by all social classes of people around the world for years. One question of the topic we frequently wondered ourselves is “What Causes Happiness?”. And I strongly believe that are absorption, life conception and dreams.

                Absorption occurs to us when you find things you aspire, such as: love, passion or interest, etc. Specifically, after getting your dream job, you will consume almost your time and vitality focusing on it, you absolutely spend your highly concentration to prove yourself by accomplishment assignment excellently.

                Alternatively, life conception also participates in cause of happiness. People, me included, have thought that time life is remarkably short but it is extremely fabulous. Thus we just do whatsoever on earth which makes our life worthy of living, even they are extraordinary actually as travelling to Arctic or getting married on Everest, etc.

                  But both of the above might be meaningless if you do not have your own dream. We ought to possess a dream which has followed us since we were children. It is unnecessary to concern how it is but they could make decision who you will be in the future or change your life entirely. They also recover you from strain or stretch your inspiration as well.

                Although absorption, life understanding and dreams are factors which cause my happiness but others cause yours, it does not matter because each individual person has his own. Beside those things mentioned above, you also necessitate appreciating, delighting your life, being blissful on your own and chasing the right things.

 

 

Answer 1

Happiness becomes the topic considered by all social classes of people around the world for years. One question of the topic we frequently wondered ourselves is “What Causes Happiness?”. And I strongly believe that are absorption, life conception and dreams are key components of delight.

                Absorption occurs to us when you find things you aspire, such as: love, passion or interest, etc. Specifically, after getting your dream job, you will consume almost all your time and vitality focusing on it, you absolutely spend put your highly total concentration to prove yourself by accomplishing assignments excellently. As a result, you will feel contented as you have tried your best to achieve what you have a deep passion for.

                Alternatively, life conception can also be participates in attributed as a cause of happiness. People, me included me, have thought that time life is remarkably short but it is extremely fabulous. Thus we just do whatsoever on earth which makes our life worthy of living, even they are extraordinary actually as travelling to Arctic or getting married on Everest, etc.

                  But both of the above might be meaningless if you do not have your own dream. We ought to possess a dream which has followed us since we were children. It is unnecessary to concern how it is but they could make decision who you will be in the future or change your life entirely. They also recover you from strain or stretch your inspiration as well.

                Although absorption, life understanding and dreams are factors which cause my happiness but others cause yours. it It does not matter because each individual person has his own perspective about happiness . Beside those things mentioned above, you also necessitate appreciating, delighting your life, being blissful on your own and chasing the right things.

Mình thấy vocab của bạn rất hay tuy nhiên đôi chỗ bạn hơi bị lẫn giữa văn nói và văn viết (đặc biệt là phần cuối).

Comments

Cảm ơn bạn nhiều lắm luôn. Mình vẫn chưa quen với kiểu viết academic nên nhiều chỗ thật sự ko biết sử dụng từ như thế nào :(. Vốn từ vựng cũng có hạn nên mình muốn tham khảo ý kiến của bạn, bạn có cách nào để cải thiện trình viết không?

---

Mình cũng không có phương pháp học gì đặc biệt, nhưng mình hay tự viết sau đấy đọc các bài mẫu trên mạng để xem outline với vocab :))))

Answer 2

Những từ như "and" hay "because" k đc đặt đầu câu ngay sau dấu chấm nhé bạn. Ví dụ chỗ đoạn đầu của bạn í:
“Happiness becomes the topic considered by all social classes of people around the world for years. One question of the topic we frequently wondered ourselves is “What Causes Happiness?”. (And) I strongly believe that are absorption, life conception and dreams.”
???????? Bài biết của bạn rất hay và dùg vocab tốt, cố lên nha
P/s: Mấy bạn ghé qua correct và contribute ideas hộ bài mình với nha ❤❤ Thank you

http://chuawritingmienphi.com/index.php/6604/global-warming-dang-problem-solution