IELTS Task 2 - Learning about life - Education

Question

Some people believe that the best way of learning about life is by listening to the advice of family and friends. Other people believe that the best way of learning about life is through personal experience. Compare the advantages of these two different ways of learning about life. Which do you think is preferable? Use specific examples to support your preference.

DO

There are various ways to broaden your view of life, two of them are learning from parents and also from self-experience. Both of these two issues have their own benefit but in my point of view, it is more reasonable to discover the world ourselves.  
The reason why people often get acquirements from parents and acquaintances is because it is not only much more effortless but also more rapid. When listening to a friend’s story and experience, such as how she was robbed, you may immediately learn how to avoid it. The more stories you heard, the more life skills you will get. In addition, following in precursor footstep may lessen the jeopardy of being failed and making the same mistake. It can be exemplified that learning how to be alert to pedophilia – which is a huge problems in Vietnam recently – is preferable than experience it.
On top of that, I myself prefer personal experience. Despite the fact that getting experience from advices is facile and faster, you will find it hard to put it into practice, which you have to explore on your own. When you have practical explore, you will get general perspective from that and also many soft skills. For instant, volunteering to help disabled people, you not only know how to take care of patient but also cope with urgent situations, which you can not fully understand only by hearing. Moreover, it has been proved that people can remember their experience longer. On the other hand, it would be better for people to analyze their mistakes, make conclusion and avoid it next time.   
In conclusion, I think it would be wiser to combine these two ways to learn and practice.

Answer 1

Original writing	Suggested correction
There are various ways to broaden your view of life, two of them are learning from parents and also from self-experience. Both of these two issues have their own benefit but in my point of view, it is more reasonable to discover the world ourselves.	There are various ways to broaden the view of life, two of them being learning from parents and also from self-experience. Both of these two sources have their own benefits but in my point of view, it is more reasonable to discover the world ourselves.
The reason why people often get acquirements from parents and acquaintances is because it is not only much more effortless but also more rapid. When listening to a friend’s story and experience, such as how she was robbed, you may immediately learn how to avoid it. The more stories you heard, the more life skills you will get. In addition, following in precursor footstep may lessen the jeopardy of being failed and making the same mistake. It can be exemplified that learning how to be alert to pedophilia – which is a huge problems in Vietnam recently – is preferable than experience it.	The reason why people often get input from parents and acquaintances is because it is not only much more effortless but also more rapid. Listening to the story of someone being robbed can suggest the ways to avoid it. The more stories are heard, the more life experiences are obtained. In addition, following in previous footstep may lessen the risk of being failed and making the same mistake. Another example is that learning how to be alert to those with pedophilia – which is a huge problem in Vietnam recently – is preferable to experiencing it.
On top of that, I myself prefer personal experience. Despite the fact that getting experience from advices is facile and faster, you will find it hard to put it into practice, which you have to explore on your own. When you have practical explore, you will get general perspective from that and also many soft skills. For instant, volunteering to help disabled people, you not only know how to take care of patient but also cope with urgent situations, which you can not fully understand only by hearing. Moreover, it has been proved that people can remember their experience longer. On the other hand, it would be better for people to analyze their mistakes, make conclusion and avoid it next time.	On top of that, I myself prefer personal experience. Despite the fact that getting experience from advice is easier and faster, putting it into practice will be hard and more practical exploration is often needed. This exploration will provide both general perspective and many soft skills. For instance, volunteering to help disabled people will not only help acquire the skill of taking care of patients but also show how to cope with urgent situations, which it is not possible to figure out with hearing only. Moreover, it has been proved that people can remember their experiences longer. On the other hand, it would be better for people to analyze their mistakes, make conclusion and avoid it next time.
In conclusion, I think it would be wiser to combine these two ways to learn and practice.	In conclusion, I think it would be wiser to combine these two ways to learn and practice.

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