This is the first post of mine, I hope you guys can help me to recover my grammar and typos

Question

The bar charts show the information of the marriage  and divorce statistics from 1981 to 1984 in nine countries. On the left  of the bar charts are the vertical axisex which show the number of people and  the another axises are the horizontal axises giving the name of nine countries.

In nine countries, The USA is the country which had the most people got married ( ten more thousands in 1981) and Denmark was the country having the less mariage in the same year ( about 5.5 thousands). There was a downward trend of the marriage in almost countries, but Denmark was the only country which had a dramatic rise from 5.5 thousands in 1981 to 7 thousands in 1994.

Meanwhile, with the bar chart of the divorce in nien countries, The USA still had the enormous number of people who got divorced approximately 5 thousands and Italy is the country had the less divorce with just only under 5 hundreds in Italy in 1981. In 1994, the number of people who got divorced in nine countries had a slight increase but, It was not dramatic.

In conclusion, From the bar charts we can saw that The USA were the only country having the largest number of people who got married and divorced in 1981 and 1994 .The country with the fewest divorce in both 1981 and 1994 was Italy

Answer 1

Đoạn mở thay vì sử dụng "the marriage  and divorce statistics" và sau đó lại nói chi tiết vertical and horizontal axis nói về cái gì. Quá dài dòng và gây khó hiểu. Bạn nên bỏ đi câu sau và sửa lại câu đầu.

Vd: The bar charts show the information of how many people got married va divorced from 1981 to 1984 in nine countries. (nếu 9 nước này có nằm ở các châu khác nhau thì ghi thêm, phía dưới khi so sánh có thể nói về cái này cũng được.)

Tương tự trong những câu phía dưới, cái cần so sánh vá nói ở đây là "the number of people got married and divorced", mà một số chỗ bạn sử dụng "the mariage".

In conclusion, From the bar charts we can see that The USA were the only country having the largest number of people who got married and divorced in 1981 and 1994 .The country with the fewest divorce in both 1981 and 1994 was Italy.

Cách bạn viết không tạo ra sự tương quan về mặt ý nghĩa lắm, bạn chỉ liệt kê số liệu, vd phần kết luận, bạn có thể dùng "not only ... but also ..." để diễn tả "The USA are not only the country having the larger number of people got married but also the most people got divorced in 1981 and 1994.", như vậy nó mang ý nghĩa hơn so với bạn liệt kê.