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Đây là đề thi task 2 ngày 27/8/2016. Mình có viết 1 bài, mong các bạn sửa giúp mình với. Mình cám ơn nhiều.

With the rapid advancement of communication technology:smart phones, tablets and other mobile devices, some people believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Technology has played an obviously important role in communication of human these days. Some people believe that such advanced devices would bring more drawbacks rather than benefits for users. Personally, I agree with this argument.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that communication technology has an enormous benefits in human life by allowing people to keep in touch with each other at any time despite of distance. People from all parts of the world could share their information at all time, especially in emergency circumstances. Moreover, mobile devices encourage everyone to come in contact with their family and friends more frequently with affordable small costs of a call than all other means of communication like corded telephone or postmail. In connection with wifi, users even can get access to a variety of communicating softwares which allow them to make free calls.

However, rather than focus on the main function of a cellphone as a communicating device, users nowadays heavily rely on it as a mode to entertain themselves. With significant innovation of software, smartphone provides people a wide range of utility such as high quality camera for selfie, better driver for playing game, these restrict them to maintain usual contact with other people in community. More advanced cellphone is, less conversation people make to others. Futhermore, various recent researches have linked obesity to people those has sedentary lifestyle due to seriously rely on smartphone as well as reduce in ability of logical thinking and creativity.

In conclusion, although the rapid development of technology in  communication has facilitated human life in a numerous ways, users should be aware of its benefits as well as detriments profoundly. 

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Chào bạn,

Theo như mình thấy, vấn đề lớn nhất của  bạn là số ít/ số nhiều/S-V agreement. Bạn rà soát lại toàn bộ bài nhé.

Một số lỗi nhỏ khác

- keep in touch with each other ---> one another

-  emergency circumstances. --->  emergencies (không có circumstances) 

More advanced cellphone is, less conversation people make to others. 

---> The more... the less

- ...

 

Nhận xét chung là bài của  bạn về cấu trúc tổng thể thì đúng đủ, lỗi ngữ pháp thì tương đối và cần chú ý về số ít/số nhiều cũng như S-V agreement. Về từ vựng thì, bạn đã cố gắng dùng nhiều từ vựng advanced nhưng lượng từ "adequate" cho đúng topic này thì chỉ khoảng 80% số đó. Cần dùng nhiều collocations hơn. Một số câu viết quá dài, điều này là không nên.

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Cám ơn bạn nhiều nhé, bạn góp ý rất đúng, mình sẽ chú ý hơn những phần đó.

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