IELTS Writing Task 2 - 18/6/2016 - Cycling - mới post lần đầu mong được mọi người giúp đỡ ạ :D Cho mình band điểm với nhé :D [closed]

Question

IELTS Writing Task 2 (18/6/2016): Cycling is more environmentally friendly than other forms of transport. Why is it not popular in many places? And how to increase its popularity?

It is no doubt that traveling via bicycle exerts more positive impacts on the environment than any other ways of transport. Nevertheless, this vehicle is not widely used in several places. There are numerous reasons and solutions to promote its usage amongst general people

For starters, the environmental benefits of cycling can be felt by all those in society. In particular, an increasing number of people who make a bicycle as their main vehicle possibly lessen the contemporarily alarming amount of carbon emissions released into the atmosphere, causing a catastrophic loss in habitats and serious respiratory-related illnesses.

Despite these ecological advantages, this mode of transport remains uncommon in several countries because of many reasons. Firstly, the main reason can be attributable to its slowness. Most people in a modernized society demand a rapid vehicle to reach their destination as soon as possible. To give an illustration, while an ambulance car is able to take the patients having an accident to the nearest hospital instantly, a bicycle is incapable of this. Secondly, this vehicle does not provide enough spaces for people and goods. Therefore, this can be disadvantageous for shippers.

On a different dimension, there are some approaches to encourage people to do cycling. Firstly, an environmental issue should be reported on many social media to raise awareness among people about what they do harm to nature. This measure can be cost-effective but not really solve the problem. Another measure is to impose higher taxes on other means of transport with an exception of a bicycle. A stringent regulation like this can discourage a majority of people from using a car or motorbike as their primary vehicle.

In conclusion, as I have discussed, there are many factors causing cycling to be not prevalent in general streets and many measures supposed to be implemented to make it the main modes of transport.

(310 words)

 

Answer 1

There are numerous reasons and solutions to promote its usage amongst general people.

For starters, the environmental benefits of cycling can be felt by all those in society. In particular, an increasing number of people who make a bicycle as their main vehicle possibly lessen the contemporarily alarming amount of carbon emissions released into the atmosphere, causing a catastrophic loss in habitats and serious respiratory-related illnesses.

Most people in a modernized society demand a rapid vehicle to reach their destination as soon as possible. To give an illustration, while an ambulance car is able to take the patients having an accident to the nearest hospital instantly, a bicycle is incapable of this. Secondly, this vehicle does not provide enough spaces for people and goods.

=> ví dụ hơi bị trật khớp do xe cứu thương là phương tiện đặc biệt, ví dụ so sánh với xe máy hoặc xe hơi là ngàn năm không sai nha :) và xe cứu thương thì chỉ cần ambulance là đủ nghĩa rồi nhé

=> space trong trường hợp mình đang nói đến là uncountable noun nè

 

On a different dimension, there are some approaches to encourage people to do cycling. Firstly, an environmental issue should be reported on many social media to raise awareness among people about what they do harm to nature. This measure can be cost-effective but not really solve the problem. Another measure isto impose higher taxes on other means of transport with an exception of a bicycle. A stringent regulation like this can discourage a majority of people from using a car or motorbike as their primary vehicle.

 

In conclusion, as I have discussed, there are many factors causing cycling to be not prevalent in general streets and many measures supposed to be implemented to make it the main modes of transport.

=> conclusion thiếu ý nhé bạn ơi

=> on the street hoặc là on streets chứ :)

=> types hoặc means hoặc kinds thì sẽ hợp lí hơn á

 

 

Do giới hạn kí tự nên mình không thể chữa hết các lỗi một cách kĩ càng được. Nếu vẫn còn thắc mắc gì thì cứ mess cho mình để mình giải đáp nhé. :)

Chào bạn và chúc bạn mau chóng cải thiện khả năng viết của mình nè!

Comments

Cảm ơn bạn nhiều nhé :D Khi nào cần mình sẽ liên hệ sau nhé

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à mình quên mất gửi band điểm cho bạn, bài của bạn chừng 5.5-6.0 bạn nhé :)

Answer 2

In my opinion, your essay is great with a variety of grammar structures and academic words. Besides, your ideas are very logical and appropriate. However, I think you do not need to write paragraph 2 (For starters,...) because you just have to answer 2 questions: Why is cycling not popular in many places? And how to increase its popularity? Moreover, you should use means of transportation instead of repeating "vehicle" many times.

I am a new comer, too. So, I am not sure about your band score but I think you can achieve 7.0 for writing. :)).<3

Good luck to you.

 

Comments

1. You wrote: ... their main vehicle possibly lessen the contemporarily alarming amount of carbon emissions rel...

Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found

Error type: Possible Typo

Suggestion: con temporarily

 

2. You wrote: ... some approaches to encourage people to do cycling. Firstly, an environmental issue should...

Feedback: The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go cycling".

Error type: Collocation error

Suggestion: go cycling

 

3. You wrote: ...other measure is to impose higher taxes on other means of transport with an exception of a bicycl...

Feedback: The article is missing before the noun: "an other means", "the other means". (ART021)

Error type: Article and uncountable noun error

Suggestion: an other means, the other means

 

4. You wrote: ...xes on other means of transport with an exception of a bicycle. A stringent regulation like ...

Feedback: The usual collocation for "exception" in this context is "to" not "of". Did you mean "exception to".

Error type: Collocation error

Suggestion: exception to

 

5. You wrote: ...on of a bicycle. A stringent regulation like this can discourage a majority of peopl...

Feedback: Make sure that your verb is conjugated for your third person singular subject "A stringent regulation". Did you mean "A stringent regulation likes"? (va71)

Error type: Verb agreement error

Suggestion: A stringent regulation likes

 

Answer 3

In the modern society, there are a variety of transportation means such as bikes, motorbikes, cars, trains, ships, planes and etc. Using bike is always considered as an effective way to protect the environment rather than others. However, cycling is less popularly used because of its low speed, untrendy tools and lack of suitable infrastructure. In order to encourage people to use bikes more, a number of activities suggestion will be discussed in this essay.

Initially, although bikes is an environmental friendly transportation means, it has a lot of disadvantages comparing to others. For example, the speed of cycling is much lower than motorbikes, cars and trains. Thus, if people prefer to save their travelling time, they would choose driving. Moreover, while a bike only can carry one or two people at the same time, motorbikes, cars and other transports could hold many more people. It is not convenient to travel by group with bikes.  The second drawback of cycling is that it is not trendy. As fashionable items such as clothes, shoes, transportation means become a stylish tool. A lot of people desire to drive a fancy car or an expensive motorbike to show off their richness.  Thirdly, it is obvious that bike is used less because of lack of safety. This is an issue of improper infrastructure. It is dangerous for cyclist if there is not a separate lane for riding. Hence, people would rather using motorbikes and cars than bike.

Yet, it is undeniable that cycling should be encourage to protect the environment and our healthy life through technology revolution, fashionable design, infrastructure improvement and advocacy. The first solution is to improve the speed of cycling. It is proven that the more updated bikes produce, the quicker speed it is recently. However, it is important that the changes of technology should also involve in environmental protection. The second possibility is the presentation of the bike. Bike will become more elegant if it could combine to the fashion. Young people are willing to use bike which they still can show their style. The third solution is the upgrading of infrastructure. For example, there is an isolated lane from the road for bike cycles. The priority for bike riders when attending the traffic could be a good encouragement for cyclists. Lastly, advocacy is an important tool to enhance the awareness of people about using bike to protect the environment. It is possible that one friendly transport program in school is introduced to students. Besides, advertisement on the television for all watchers.

In summary, because of the advantages for environment from cycling, it is necessary to improve the weakness of this transport means to encourage more people to use it.