In overall, the essay composed clear arguments, good examples. It showed the reader that the writer had plenty good information for this topic. However, there are some minor grammar mistakes that I see below*
The dominant content in cirriculums are often facts. Reading a book, you can learn a lot of fact about one subject such as the date, location and other statistics of a famous battle in the world history. However, these are not the things that student need the most, but the ideas behind all those facts. ( I am not sure whether your opening statements like this are good or not, I suggest changing it into sth like: Most of the curriculums offered in schools are covered by facts, therefore, students always have to learn facts in textbooks. It is very easy to learn facts by reading books. However, what the students need is not the facts, it is the concepts or ideas behinds these facts) In my view, it's more important for student to learning ideas and concepts than it is to learn facts. By Understanding ideas and concepts, student can apply their knowledge easily into a variety of situation, and also it would grant student better ability to think critically.
Firstly, understanding the core ideas and concept of one subject, you (students or people are better words) can apply your the knowledge into many different situations. Facts in text books can not never cover all the things in one subject. Memorize these facts may get helpstudent get high score in the tests, but when they leave the school and working (encounter could be better choice :) with many different situations, the ability to apply these knowledge is actually the most important one . Therefore, By understanding the main ideas or concepts, we can deal with any unexpected problems simultaneously. For example, when i was a business student in my university, we often learned by (we are taught how to solve) solving some simulation business cases. There was never an ultimate agreement about the right solution, however after every class our teachers sum up all the ideas we presented and discussed the negative and possitive aspects of each idea . By this method, we learn to be flexible in applying our knowledge into real life situations. ( this example is not clear enough, it only shows me the idea that cases in real life have more than one solutions but it does not show me that cases in real life are complex which need our ability to solve it) And this is more important than learning one example way to solve some specific problems.
Secondly, understanding ideas and concept would make students (develop students critical thinking ability) better thinkers. Education is not about how many facts you memorize, but it is what to improve our ability to think. In many subjects like history or political science, students study a lot of past events in the past. But However, what important the important thing is not the statistics of all these events but the lessons they leave behind. By undertanding thoroughly those lessons, students will be better thinkers and be able to develop their own new exciting ideas and perspectives. For example, we all learn about Nelson Mandela in school. But we dont need to remember his birthday or how many years he was imprisioned or the stages of his life. What is important about Nelson is his idea (vision) about freedom and the lessons he teaches generations to come. Understanding these ideas is more crucial than memorizing all other facts.
In sum, we learn a lot of facts in our schools, and these facts are important. But it's even more important to learning (grab) the ideas and concepts that these facts convey.
The conclusion could be longer. Actualy, there is nothing wrong with a short conclusion. However, when you sit for the TOEFL exam, it is better to make the conclusion longer and at least 3 arguments. Just in case you dont have enough time to conclude, you can make the short conclusion. :)
Regards,
Duong NGUYEN.