Mong các bạn sữa dùm mình bài writing task 2. Cảm ơn các bạn rất nhiều

Question

The widespread use of the internet gives people more freedom at home instead going to work or

college. Do you think its advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Using the internet is a popular matter all over the world. From officers to students seem to surf the webs everyday for completing perfectly their work. However, the internet serves not only work but also entertainments. Personally, people may feel more freedom about time, speech and permit when using the internet at home.

Only by using the internet at work places and colleges, are people limitted time. It means that they merely surf the webs among time they are there. When having a change for covering of the internet, it is sure that people can not be pressed about time. If they do not finish at work they can use the internet at home to continue.

A problem happens frequently at public places where people can access the internet is the speech of bandwidths is slow, especially when there are so many people use the internet as the same time. In some important situations, if people want to finish their work before deadline, they have to queue and hold on until they can do.

Another factor makes people become more freedom is they can entertain through the internet. Purpose of going to work or college does not approach relaxation so they can not spend much time on entertaining and relaxing. But this will go against when they can use the internet at home. For instance, they can play internet games, watch online movies and chat with their friends for a long time at home.

In short, people will be more comfortable when the restriction of using the internet is closed. This is also contribute more advantages than disadvantages from work to enjoyment.

Answer 1

mình không phải là một chuyên gia về lĩnh vực tiếng anh nhưng khi đọc bài của bạn mình thấy nó không được mạch lạc cho lắm và một số lỗi nhỏ như là không sử dụng past simple tense cho conditional clause và trong trường hợp bạn hình như muốn miêu tả lại hành động của 1 ng . Thứ 2 là paragragh 1 line 3 "abt time,speech,permit  " , mình nghĩ khi nối các danh từ vs nhau = comma thì permit cũng phải được -> permission . 

http://chuawritingmienphi.com/5166/mong-cac-ban-sua-dum-minh-bai-writing-task-2-cam-on-cac-ban-rat-nhieu

Answer 2

 

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